Separation length??

[Bones2017]

Title says it all. I'm wobbling. I think he's starting to soften and don't know what to do if he asks.

If you've separated for any reason? How long was it and did it work? For those who don't know, I think mine has at least had an emotional affair. I need to be prepared. I don't feel ready yet for him to ask me if he can come back. The texts are starting. I'm so confused about what to do.

I think he's realising the gravity of the situation he's in and doesn't like it. You've filed for divorce, started to re build and suddenly he's on his own and doesn't like it. Personally I wouldn't go back to him because he's deceived you for a long time, regardless or wether he's slept with OW. His behaviour changed once you found his phone bills which says a lot.

If you give it another chance I think you need honest answers from him as to why he did what he did because something was obviously missing.

I've met her. She's been a colleague of his for a few years.

I'd just got to a point of acceptance and was moving forward. And he's not even said the words. So maybe I have this all wrong.

But he seems different. And when he hit a low he contacted me. He actually said he's confused and not sure if he'd made a mistake leaving. Thing is though, had he stayed and I still found the bills, he'd have been asked to leave anyway!

This man should be begging for forgiveness and doing all he can to prove that he made a mistake and will never hurt your family again.

If the best that he can offer is that he is confused and he might have made a mistake in leaving you then let him go. It's all about him.

He wants you to beg him to come back. By filing for divorce you have taken the power back. I'll bet that's what has upset him.
He wanted you as a back up plan if his new single/OW life did t work out.

Ah so he made a mistake leaving, not in overly investing in a relationship outside the marriage.

He really is clueless!

Yeah he doesn't get it does he?? He really is clueless. And it's affecting my health so much. He's killed my soul.

I cannot let him back in.

From what I've read on MN this is part of the 'script' that they all follow. Look it up or someone may link to it here. It might change to know this is what all men do in this situation.

Yeah I've seen the script and he followed it to the letter.

I don't know if he wants to come home. He's only said he's not sure if he's made a mistake leaving. When I've tried to talk to him, he backs off a bit and shuts down. So I know he's not ready to have the painful conversation with me about the full extent of what he's feeling and been up to.

But him ringing me crying out of the blue telling me he's depressed, confused and unsure tells me he's wobbling now. This is the first time he's ever in 20 years given me any reason to believe he's been interested in someone else. We've always been so good before then.

I really just don't know what to make of it. Or even if I'm reading into it too much. Maybe I'm creating a false hope for myself from nothing. I just don't know.

So the grass isn't greener!?
Shame really - NOT!
Sorry OP but I know I couldn't forgive this.
But maybe you can.
Have you had some counselling for yourself since the split?
Might help clarify things for you.
They all come sniveling back at some point.
Although my recent ExP wouldn't dare!

Listen to 'A Little Time' by Beautiful South.

There is no need for you to rush into anything OP. As well as saying all the right things, he then has to prove it and back it up with actions, but at the moment he isn't even saying the right things.

And the fact that this all started when he knew that you had seen the phone bills says a lot. Is he just upset that he's got caught? Which now puts him in a less favourable position as to what he thinks his options are.

It sounds like you have done pretty well since he has left, so I think you need to be very sure about his motives before entertaining the idea of trying again. I would also suggest not to be his emotional sounding board too. Let him cry to her if he's so depressed.

And still it's all about him after what he has put you through, he's still confused.

I'd not be hanging about waiting on scraps from him OP; if he really wanted you and him to work he'd be begging you for another chance; don't take him back when his leg is still firmly out the door; he's not emotionally invested in you and him, only himself; self pitying git after causing nothing but drama and upset.

But him ringing me crying out of the blue telling me he's depressed, confused and unsure tells me he's wobbling now

No, it tells you that he's only concerned about how his actions have affected HIM, not you

If you reconciled, it wouldn't be for the right reasons and therefore probably wouldn't work.

I do see your point joy, I really do. But in the moment I suppose i sensed regret from him and maybe jumped on the bandwagon.

I'm starting to realise his immature selfishness I think. It's just all part of the process I suppose.

He has put you through so much and had at least an EA but possibly more, yet you are expected to feel sorry for him crying? If he wants you back he should be making all the effort not guilt tripping you