I feel Like Running Away From my DP...

[julezboo]

Apologies in advance if it turns into an essay!

We have lots going on at the moment, so can understand to an extent why hes being such an arse. Our new baby is 3 weeks old today, He went back to work last Monday to a new job (team leader), a new permanent contract and a bloody big payrise. So why isnt he happy!

One minute hes being lovely to me, kisses and cuddles, telling me I'm beautiful, the next hes like a different man, speaking to me like crap, droning on about our sex life or lack of (bare in mind i only had a cs 3 weeks ago) I also have a son from a previous relationship.

Now I do the night feed cos he gets up to go to work, baby wakes up around 3am, then DP will get up around 7am and does his next feed. Then he will pass him to me for me to finish it off, and bugger off for a half an hour long bath, leaving me to get baby ready and DS (hes only 4, although will dress himself to a certain point, you know how 4 yr olds can be!)

It just feels like he doesn't love me anymore, Last night he got in from work, we had tea and he fell asleep on the couch till roughly about 9pm, buggered off to the pc. The house is a mess, the baby is colicky and Im slowly getting pretty exhausted. I really dont know how to deal with it, Ive tried talking to him, Ive tried writing down how Im feeling and Ive tried ignoring. Im 200 miles away from all my family and friends and the only adult i get to speak to daily is speaking to me like crap.

It's early days for you. You are still mega-hormonal, and sleep deprived. You are also adjusting to less adult company. Oh, and getting over a cs. He 's adjusting too (to baby and new job).Hang in there, it will get better.

Its totally normal to mentaly pack his bags several times in the 1st 6 months!

This weekend why not take 4 yr old out alone and leave baby with dh.....then he may appreciate what your days are like and want a conversation with you when you get in...but make sure when you get in you go straiht in the bath ( with a book) for at least an hour and then bed early....

Poor you julezboo. Does sound like he's being an arse. My DP was pretty similar when ds2 was born - complete contrast to his behaviour when ds1 was born. Some men (stress some) can be bears of little brain in these situations - they can get jealous of the baby and its hold on mother's attention, then hate themselves for being jealous of their own baby, then work themselves into a complete tailspin of bad temper and rubbish behaviour.

I got an (unsolicited) apology from my dp when ds2 was about 9mths. He explained that he was so ashamed of himself at the time that he could only deal with it by continuing to behave badly, IYSWIM. Doesn't stop me getting angry about it in retrospect, though. And if I hadn't had 2 children under the age of 2 and an impressive perineal wound, I'd have been out of there.

Not sure that this has been very helpful, really!

He's tired, he's struggling to adapt to life with a new baby and his new job, he's scared and he's taking it out on you.

He doesn't realise that you're tired, trying to adapt and scared.

He feels he can ignore you because he loves you, he assumes you love him and will put up with him.

Try and find a quiet moment and explain how you feel. I know it's shitty but I do think you can come out the other side of this.

mumto3girls, i tried running myself a baththe other day as soon as we got in, baby was asleep ds was occupied with something, he only had to make his tea and all hell broke lose because i wanted a bath!

rowan - its good to know Im not alone in having to deal with this thanks.

squonk - i think if prefer it if he did ignore me tbh, the way he speaks to me is awful.

I know we can come out the other side, we went through similar after going through 3 mc's in a row (dec05, jan06 and mar 06). I just hope all this doesnt last too long its draining all my energy trying my best not to turn everything into a row. Ive walked away alot of the time, not easy to do hormones!

Sassy - thanks for making me feel normal, I swear if we had the money Id be packing the kids in the car and buggering off back up north for the weekend just to get a break from it!