We disagree about when to have next child - any advice?

[confusedmum2one]

Hi

Last year we had some problems in our marriage. We weren't getting along, I was jealous and possessive and DH was too familiar with a work colleague and telling me some porkies.
We're much better now.

DD is 14 months and I'm back at work, DH knows I always wanted my children close together and we decided in the New Year to start trying. Last night DH said he has changed his mind and wants to wait 6 months. His reasons are because he has a lot on at work and we're just getting our "life" back and found the sleepless nights hard.
I understand this but don't agree. How do you come to a compromise? Feel frustrated by it.

Thanks for any input.

i dont know really as i have a similar problem.
my boys are 14m apart and dh is adamant we are having no more. i said i may want onother in 2/3 years. he says we are not.
ive always wanted 4 kids and have resigned myself to 3 being a little more likely

could you maybe stop for 2 or 3 months and then reassess the situation?

but it's not as if you can guarantee getting pg tomorrow....... how about if you don;t actively "try" but also don;t use contraception? Ie no excessive "must shag today" mentality but more of a "what happens happens"?!?!

agree with alittlebitshy
great idea

if you both want another at some point, then this way you leave it up to nature to make the final decision on timings!

Actually, I think he's right to wait. Otherwise you could have a 23 month gap between kids - hard work. If you wait, it'll be 2.5 years - slightly easier.

It also gives you the summer without being pregnant, able to drink wine etc.

I had a 22 month gap and wish it had been slightly bigger. HTH.

Thanks for the replies.

ALBS - I came off the pill in October but we were very careful up until January. Last month I think I was a bit OTT and "on a mission" around fertile time so I told DH then I think we should just make love when we want to without worrying if it's the right time of the month or not. He felt comfortable with this but last night when I tried to initiate things he said he wasnt in the mood... that things are too deliberate.

We're going to have a talk about it tonight but I'm interested in your views.

AG,I don't mind which time of year I'm pregnant, I just worry about age as well - he's 37 and I'm 31 and originally we thought if possible we'd like 4 children.

Two small children is pretty stressful and if there have been problems in the recent past, perhaps it would be better to concentrate on your relationship with DH for a few months. If he doesn't want to try yet and you 'accidentally' fall pregnant he might feel quite resentful. DH has a friend who is in the position at the moment - his DW pushed for them to have three DCs close together and now she is completely consumed and exhausted by them and he feels shut out.

Having said that I know that it is hard - when the baby bells start ringing, it's hard to ignore. Good luck.

Well age might not be too much of a problem - I had my first child when I was 33 and my last when I was 38.
Just worked that out - thought I was a bit younger!

Perhaps the compromise is to wait 3 months like mylittlestar said and then talk about it again?

Thanks for advice, perhaps what's bothering me more is the fact he didn't come to talk to me about his change of heart about the trying for another, I think he should be honest and not wait to tell me when I'm trying to get him into bed!

Off out for the day now, will update after our talk tonight

thanks