DH swore at toddler

[snapyap]

Possibly being daft/overreacting.

About 30 mins ago me DH and DS were all in the bathroom, when I remember that i left washing out on the line. I'm bathed and in pjs and DS who isn't quite 2 was in the bath. I asked DH to fetch it in as he's the only one still dressed. He got very annoyed and said leave it out, I said, please bring it in it'll be fine and only take a minute. Then he brought DS out of the bath to dry. DS was fussing a bit crying for one of his toys oh the side and DH said 'STOP IT YOU KNOB!' to him. I said, don't talk to him like that. He said he was frustrated at me and taking it out on DS.

I'm really pissed off. Should I be?

How is asking to bring in some washing "issuing orders"? Unless OP literally said "go and bring in the washing NOW" then it's a perfectly reasonable request. Certainly no reason to be swearing and huffing about.

There is a difference between getting annoyed and saying "for fuck's sake" or something and calling a toddler a "knob." If it's not a one off I'd be having a serious chat with him. Not acceptable.

Well, it kind of is more of an order than a request, if he's not allowed to say no, isn't it?

Leaving aside calling a child a knob (which I'm not defending) they were both in the middle of one task (bathtime) and the OP suddenly told her DP to stop doing that and go and get the washing. He is allowed to disagree that he needs to drop everything and go and get it right that very second. She then insisted that a) it had to be done and b) she couldn't possibly do it.

I hate doing a 'switch the genders' thing, but if the OP had said:

"I was doing bathtime with DS, and DP suddenly demanded that he take over and I go and get the washing in. I said that it would be fine on the line, and couldn't he get it if it bothered him so much. He said he couldn't possibly go into his own garden on a mild evening for a few minutes because he was wearing his PJs, and insisted that I had to go right that second. AIBU to think it could have waited until the morning, and that I wanted to finish bathtime with my lovely DS?"

No-one demanded though! She simply asked him to do something for her that she had just remembered! Honestly, do you never ask anyone to do something simple just to help you? I really can't understand anyone who, on being asked to do something simple to help their partner, perceived as 'issuing orders' or 'demands'

There was no suggestion she ordered or demanded anything! He then called his child a name which, apparently was all her fault. Terrible behaviour, I wouldn't let it go unchallenged.

I did not demand! I said it needs bringing in tonight and not in the morning. He didn't want to bring it in last night at all. I'd done all of the house chores and all of the childcare yesterday, I was undressed and didn't want to go outside and I didn't say he had to do it right away. It was the fact that I wanted him to do it at all that made him annoyed. He seems sorry today and as I say he ended up bringing it all in and getting it sorted.

Look, I don't want to have a go at you (ans you have said this isn't an isolated incident) but how is it NOT a demand, when he has no option to say No?

You decided that the washing needed to be brought in that evening, rather than the morning (not sure why). You then said that you couldn't do it because you were in your pj's (again, not sure what difference that makes). So the only acceptable option is that he does it.

He tried to say no. You wouldn't accept that. If that's not a demand, what do you think is?

Maybe this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour where you feel that all housework defaults to you, you endlessly have to remind him to pull his weight, you feel taken for granted because you'd spent all day doing things for the household and this was the one thing you'd asked him to do, etc.

If so, that is the issue to address. But based on the snapshot you've given, and taking only the info you provided into account, I don't think that him not taking in the washing when you wanted him to is him being a bastard.

Calling your child a knob = unreasonable. But again, is this part of a wider pattern of behaviour? Was it a one-off temper-flare (not great, but happens to the best parents from time to time) or has he been aggressive in the past?