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Original poster

Completely and utterly confused - why does he lie?

13 replies

MuckyAnthea · 09/03/2007 01:04

Last Sunday my BF went away on business. I know how stressful his meetings can be when he is away, so I tend to not bother him or call him. Anyway he was due back yesterday, so on Tuesday night I sent him a text asking if he would be back the next day. No response. Yesterday I sent him three texts asking when he was back, again no response. Last night at 8.15pm I received a text from him saying he had arrived at the airport and was on his way home. When he arrived home, he stank of alcohol, he told me he had drank on the plane. No probs I thought. He also told me the guy he had gone way with, was staying at the meeting place to sort things out.

This morning I got up, and discovered he had forgotton his wallet. I don't know why, but I checked it. I discovered a taxi receipt stateing yesterday he had been back in the city where we live, at 3.15 in the afternoon. The penny dropped. So I called him and asked what time he got back yesterday, and he kept asking me why, I told him I just wanted to know what time he got back. He hung up on me.

So after a while, I called him back and he told me that yes, he got back yesterday morning and took his partner out for lunch/dinner [the guy he was with, was the one he told me originaly told me was staying behind to sort things out at the meeting] they had won an order so were celebrating. He said he did not respond to my text messages because he did not want the agro of telling me he had arrived back early, and wanted to go out for dinner and he did not want to ask my permission. I told him, going out for dinner was not the problem, lieing to me and ignoring my text messages was. He is in the office now, and won't proceed with the conversation anymore. He believes he is in the right.

For your info, I moved to this country with him years ago, and have supported him constantly with his work and tryed to make his life as comfortable as possible, and never questioned him when he is late home/travelling away etc. Two years ago I found text messages on his phone between him and his secretary, they instigated an affair may have been going on. I confronted him and he told me, thats where it ends. It would not happen again. I trusted him.

Now I have found out this latest drama, I have no idea what to think. How should I react when he gets home from work tonight? I don't want an argument. He believes he is always right, and I am not going to get an apology thats for sure. What would you do? and lastly, if he has lied to me about this, then how can I deal with the fact that he could have lied to be many times before, yet still be able to trust him?

OP posts:
Original poster
MuckyAnthea · 09/03/2007 01:06

Sorry - Wednesday night I had got in touch with him asking if he would be back the next day. Until then, I had not heard from him while he had been away.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 09/03/2007 01:17

It sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you

Do you have children with him?

Soapbox · 09/03/2007 01:30

Is he really in the office at 1am in the morning?

I think it all sounds highly suspicious tbh. I'm a great believer in trusting your instincts so what are they telling you?

DO you believe he was/is with his business partner or do you think he is seeing someone else?

I'd be keen to get to the bottom of all this, how might you do that?

hunkermunker · 09/03/2007 01:33

I think you DO know why you checked his wallet - it sounds like you don't trust him - and with good reason, IMO.

Original poster
MuckyAnthea · 09/03/2007 01:37

Sorry I should explain - I am around 8 hours ahead of you guys. It is 9.36am here.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuckyAnthea · 09/03/2007 01:44

And no - we don't have any children together. The more I think about this, the more I know I am going to leave him. He does not have any respect for me thats obvious. So rather then react in the way he thinks I will when he gets home tonight, I am going to play it cool and collected. Maybe give him a kiss on the lips that kind of thing. I am not going down to his level. And am going to retain all dignity, while I work out how and when I am going to leave.

all I needed to hear was your responses, and know I was not being unreasonable. Thanks for your views.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuckyAnthea · 09/03/2007 01:45

Also, the weird thing is, when he got home last night, even though I had no reason to doubt him, something came into my head telling me I had to check his wallet for taxi receipts. So for him to have forgotton his wallet the next day, is really bizarre!!

OP posts:
Soapbox · 09/03/2007 01:51

I am sorry for you, that it has come to this

I hope you find the strength to ditch this person from your life and move on to find happiness with someone who deserves you

Original poster
MuckyAnthea · 09/03/2007 02:02

Thanks soapbox Apart from the initial shock and upset this morning, I stangely feel almost alive now, and feel capable of doing anything. Its really weird. I have never felt like this before.

He is a very controlling person, who always believes he is in the right. He has told me [usually when we are away on holiday] he does not love me, he does not feel anything for me etc, in the past I have got extremely upset over this, but for some reason the more he said it, the less I started to care. Afterwards he would always say he did not mean it, and the stress of work etc got on top of him. He ground me down, and I became very disrepectful of myself, thinking I was always the one to blame.

But after this morning, I just think, what is going to happen next? There will be more lies, more of him shouting at me telling me he does not love me, and the beat goes on....Here I am - the little woman staying at home looking after her 'lovely' boyfriend, doing nice things for him, yet he does not care about me one bit. So who is the victim him or me? Me, because I allow it to go on. I refuse to accept this as normal behaviour, and I have a plan. Like I said, I will play it all cool today and over the next couple of months [we have weddings and other trips we have to go on together] but after my 'committments' to him are over, thats it. Its bye bye.

OP posts:
warthog · 09/03/2007 09:35

ma, this situation sounds awful. i'd get out sooner rather than later. it will be very hard playing it cool when you actually see him and he clearly has no respect for you. forget the commitments you have together, you don't have kids to worry about, just yourself.

mountaingirl · 10/03/2007 09:27

I hope you get away from him as soon as possible, you don't need to be treated as a fool or like a dog. The things he has previously told you are dreadful and now your instict (or higher self/devine intervention) is telling you to move on. Do so as quickly as you can and good luck.

themoon66 · 10/03/2007 09:43

I'd go sooner rather than later if I were you. Being guests at a wedding is nothing compared to getting yourself some self-esteem and a life. I'm sure the bride and groom will understand.

The longer you leave it, the more likely you are to just let things slide.

megandsoph · 10/03/2007 09:59

I would say "bye bye" now rather than after these commitments. You don't owe this man nothing!! You owe yourself though to get away from him and be happy.

Hope it all works out for you

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