Sex after a 3 degree tear...How???

[Ab31]

Had a 3rd degree tear during birth... tried to have sex for the first time the other day which was entirely unsuccessful. It really hurt and we had to abandon the whole thing! Any suggestions on how to make it easier or when I can expect it to feel normal? Do I wait until it isn't painful or is it something I just have to go through???
Help!

You could use lube. I used KY but I think there's a nicer, less chemically alternative someone might be able to tell you about.

how do you tell what degree tear you have, or is something you are told???

what i can tell

first degree - they don't stich

second degree - they stich

third - you just know!

i had second degree after ds1 with stitches and it felt funny until i had ds2 but i didnt tear with him. i have 14m betweenthembut cant work out how many months later i would have given birth.

it got better by gritting my teeth and just going for it with lube.
i was told internal massage of the area would help, whichi figured was the same as sex.

it does get better but takes time and patience.

had 2 stitches after dd1, none after ds (and he was a much bigger baby) and 1 after dd2 (my smallest baby). after dd1 sex felt like someone stabbing me (ahem) with knives! after a while it was ok, but it did take a while and a lot of patience from dh. i think i was very nervous though which may have caused some of the problem as was not relaxed. after ds and dd2 it was good.

I had a 3rd degree tear and it took many months... no advice apart form just relax and go with what you feel best

3rd degree tear here too. Took months before it was comfortable, and a few more on top of that for it to be "good" again. Lots of lub, a glass or two of wine and lots of patience and attention from DH helped. The fact that he put no pressure on me allowed me to take the pressure off myself, and now we are back to normal! It does get better, but it will take time.

Nally,
not sure, but from what mw told me, it is how deep the tear goes...mine left me with muscle and nerve damage that extended into my back passage...reconstructive surgery is probably necessary. They also tend to stich 3rd degree tears in theatre at my hospital

slowly with lube and wine!!!!! it didnt feel entirely comfortable for me until DS was about 6 months and after that it was fine and was pg again by the time DS1 was 8 months old I didnt have such a bad tear the second time thanks goodness!

sorry - more or less repeated what you said mankyscotslass!

Hi - from very vague memory 1st degree is just skin, 2nd degree is skin plus muscle tissue and 3rd requires reconstruction as it extends into 'other areas' - anus usually. I had 2 1st's and 1 2nd - sex was a bit iffy for a few times but does come back - as somebody else said - wine helped!!!

I had third degree and was ok (no pain) after about 3 months - but like others have said had to be 100% relaxed and no pressure from dh.
The minute I tensed up it made everything much more difficult and for me, it was a bit more psychological than actually really hurting IYSWIM.

I understood it to be 1st degree just skin, 2nd degree a bit deeper but midwives can stitch for you. 3rd degree actually tears muscle, usually back passage, and has to be repaired in theatre

4th degree (I dread to think)

Take it really really slowly. Don't rush things. Maybe take full sex off the agenda for a while and do other things instead. I was so scared but honestly, everything was back to normal in no time at all.

yes 3rd degree tear here, we waited until 6 months and used the good old few glasses of wine and KY jelly routine. Everything was fine.

My cuzin had a 3rd degree tear and tried at 3 months and found it agonising. That was enough to put me off for another 6 months.

4th degree is where it tears upwards as wells as across.... eeeeek!

I had an episiotomy & then tore as well, fortunately not too badly into my rectum, but unfortunately quite high into my vagina. I was repaired in theatre & the pain afterwards was very bad. I had enormous lumps of scar tissue inside of me, that I was supposed to massage to try & break up. Yeah right!!!
We tried to have sex at 5 months & despite a few glasses of wine, it was impossible. By 7 months, it was tolerable in a teeth gritted kind of way & slowly it got better until by about 9 months after it became a pleasurable experience again!
Good luck Ab31.

Lubricate and anaebriate

Wow thanks everyone! Good to know that it's not just me! Bugsy2 that sounds much like me. Deep tear high in the vagina, sewn up in theatre etc etc. It's only been 15 weeks so I guess I'm being a bit optimistic
Good excuse to hit the bottle though....!

Ab31, took me a lot longer than 15 weeks... 6 months in fact for it not to hurt... It DOES get better, promise.

I had a 3rd degree tear and just the thought of sex freaked me out for a bit, I couldn't sit down for 2 weeks for crying out loud - ooohhh it's all coming back to me !!! Anyhow, like other posters have said don't pressure yourself and relax you'll be fine in time. sounds a cliche but that's how it was for me.

There's definitely a design flaw somewhere along the line...(hmm)

Hi had 2nd degree tear and agree with advice given (i.e patience and wine!) 6 months on things feel normal again. Weird acheyness in scar tissue gone. It just takes time.