Sharing custody is going to break my heart

[jollyfolly]

Wont go into details but just wondering what you feel is an acceptable amount of time for EX dp to look after 20 months old dp.
Ds is currently living with me but see's his father at my home most weekend's when i work... basically he baby sits and stays over because he lives 100 miles away (this is becoming a little intolerable now as we are getting to the point where we cant stand the sight of each other.... not exactly healthy for ds!). He moved out about 15 monhs ago.
He is planning on moving closer and is expecting alot more contact than that.
What would be reasonable?

jollyfolly - don't even think about being "selfish" in wanting to have your son most of the time - I think that that is healthy mother love, not selfishness, and he is very lucky to have a mother who feels that way. Of course he needs to see his father too. Here in France there has been quite a fashion for 50:50 sharing of children in cases of separation, but there's been some backtracking recently and the feeling is growing that for small children (under 6) it is much more important to retain a secure relationship with the mother and to live principally with her, while seeing the father very often. Once children go to school and can read and write their ability to understand the world expands hugely and it is less deleterious to them to spend more time with their fathers.

Xenia - sure, I do understand that if you combine a full-time job with children you're going to have a very hard time finding a spare moment to go out. If I understand you correctly you were the one who wanted the divorce? In our case it's different, my partner was the one who wanted out, and although I get a bit pissed off about doing so much for the boys we are both pretty keen for his ex to get settled with someone else so we don't mind doing some babysitting... custody arrangements will in any case be reviewed as and when she gets hitched with someone else who will probably also have children and his own ideas...

JF - I totally sympathise and understand your feelings. My dp left us 18 months ago and I too hated the thought that he could take my little boy away from me. Luckily (for me, not for ds) he chose to only see him a week although part of me still hates the idea of handing over my precious baby to him and his girlfriend to play happy families with
It all seems so wrong when you carry them for 9 months and then they are totally reliant on you for everything for so long and then suddenly you need to hand them over to someone you don't like/trust etc.
Have you spoken to a solicitor to find out what he wuld be likely to get if it went to court? or has he actually said how much contact he would want when hes moved?
Good luck and sending you big hugs