Have been with DH for 10yrs now and have a 1yr old. I've never liked FIL, he's difficult and awkward and early on advised DH to 'let her know who's boss' in our relationship.
DH and I have a really good, equal relationship, and thankfully he didn't listen to the advice!!
This last year I've had a lot more to do with inlaws and am seeing FIL isn't just a bit of a twat.
He's had alcohol and gambling problems on and off for years. Spends all MIL's pay (he doesn't work), they're in debt they'll never repay because of him, years ago he also stole from his kids to fund his habits.
Recently I've seen him first hand in 'moods' with MIL, e.g. Having a strop because she made 4 puddings for a family get together and there wasn't the particular 1 he wanted. Refusing to talk to her for days because she got the wrong coffee. Etc etc
Reading here i realise how many boxes he ticks.
MIL is a wonderful, kind, woman who would do anything for anyone. But she is constantly on eggshells and I think her people pleasing is from trying to pacify her husband.
DH always looked up to his dad, but has realised in recent years that he's not all that. He is much more like his mum, which is where my problem lies.
He is always trying to make me happy, lol what a problem!
If we have even a slight disagreement (pizza or curry for takeout/here or there for day out) he always deferrs to me. Even when I know it's not something he would want.
If I am grumpy, and who isn't sometimes, he gets into a real flap trying to make me happy, buy me things, cook fancy meals, take me places.
I feel like he thinks this is how a normal relationship is. Thankfully he's not followed his dad's example (his brother has...) but being so close to his mum and following her example is also causing problems.
I don't know how to reassure him that he doesn't need to panic, or do this stuff. And I don't know how to show him his parents relationship isn't good or normal.
Any advice?