Porn

[banbanthevan]

Sex life not great with DP. Once every 3 weeks. We have DCS. I've been feeling v uncertain about out relationship lately and haven't been able to put my finger on the reason why.
Began talking to DP about women's bodies in general, them onto porn. I asked him if he watches it. He says he watches porn and pleasures himself as he does so around twice a month.
I told him this made me feel.quite uncomfortable as we don't have sex much more than that, probably less. He replied "all men do it."
I've come to bed feeling a little unpleasant about it and not sure this is the case. Do all men wank away to porn?

My boyfriend says he doesn't watch porn and he has no reason to lie as he knows I watch it and I have zero problem with it. He said he used to watch it when he was a bit younger but it just bores him now. He does masturbate but says he thinks about me when he does it or just makes up a random fantasy in his head about a completely random made up woman.
We have a healthy sex life so none of it bothers me, but if he was masturbating more than the amount of sex we had then I'd be wanting to get to the root of the problem.
Real sex should always come first and be more of a priority

"No reason to lie" - and yet people still do, which is what makes it so confusing.

Not saying your DP does Booboo, just in general. I think most lies are because of how people feel about themselves, regardless of other people. Will I tell my DP I watched porn last night ? No, probably not. Not because he minds but because it was actually quite boring and unsexy and really like an unsatisfying meal. It was a non event means to an end. I suspect a lot of people feel the same way about it.

It's not just men who watch porn and masturbate, i enjoy both, sometimes every day, sometimes not for weeks or months at a time. It can't always be written off as simply a man thing.

I wonder if this is a distraction though, as it's clearly about your intimacy in your marriage and not really about porn or wanking.

Have you had a proper open discussion about how you feel? Have you made it clear you're not satisfied with the amount? I can separate a quick functional release from masturbation from intimacy with my Lt partner easily, they fullfil different needs, but couldn't choose a lazy wank over the real thing. That would be totally unsatisfying.

The woman who say ' your partner is lying to you if he says he doesn't watch porn are just woman trying to justify it to make themselves feel better about it and to 'normalise' it because they hate that part of their partner

What planet are you on?
My partner sometimes watches porn. Do I care? Does it bother me? No, absolutely not. We still have a great sex life. I don't hate any part of him, nor do I pretend to be okay with him watching porn. I genuinely AM okay with him watching it.

I think porn is dangerous in a relationship because it can easily make the other person feel inadequate

If a woman feels inadequate because her partner watches porn a few times a month then that's her own insecurity! Not his!

Don't get me wrong, if he's choosing to watch porn instead of having sex with the OP then yeah I can understand her feeling inadequate. That's when it becomes a problem. But again, the porn itself isn't a problem, it's the op's husband who is the problem for choosing porn over his wife!

At the end of the day as long as the man doesn't let porn effect the sex life in a negative way I don't see the issue.

Not all men watch it but the vast majority do. Plenty of men admit that they tell their wives/girlfriends they don't watch it when really they do.

I think it's pretty sad they have to hide it. Because as I say, as long as their sex life isn't effected negatively by it, I don't see the problem.

Each to their own sparkly, I don't have any self esteem issues, far from it but I'd still not tolerate my partner watching regular porn; so you are wrong on that count.

Look, some women are A ok with it, some are not, neither are wrong; if your partner is having sex with porn vids and not you, then there's a problem.

You are missing the point, the women that are coming on here to complain is because it is an issue and it is impacting on their sex life, that's not right, no matter how much you dress up as normal; it's not the norm in my relationship and we have a healthy sex life.

Anyone who says to a complete stranger- I know your partner better than you and he is a liar - is a twat.