My marriage is falling apart, and i have no job. dh and i are from different countries(me Indian, dh 2nd gen american) live in UK for 3 years. I couldn't find work (initially because we had to stay with in-laws, fil was v sick) and afterwards I ended up accommodating my daily life to dh's needs - sometimes travel, some mini crisis, almost moving from one problem/crisis to another from dh side (he doesn't understand or appreciates my support). On top of it dh had (still has) trust issues from previous marriage, says ex had npd, which made him v cautious. His family also told him to be cautious since he burnt his hands before. Problem is he views marriage from his side. From the beginning, I had to understand his pressure, his limitations, emotional unavailability, irritations etc. while he didn't make any efforts towards our marriage/ or meeting my needs. Before we married, I was in India, he was in UK. In his mind, him working for his job (he loves his job) was his efforts towards our marriage, and that he helped me with spouse visa. Also, dh's family is very old fashioned and supports his thinking of one sided marriage. dh was quite agreeable before we got married. but soon after had anger explosions over minor things or things he misunderstood. First time, he got irritated when I said I was sad he would be gone soon, he thought I was putting pressure on him, when I tried to explain he got mad at me for not understanding the pressures he has to make our marriage successful. He was divorced twice. So I understood that there must be a feeling of failure or shame, and apologised. Ever since then, he is very unreasonable. He has black and white thinking. In moments of anger, he labeled me as a bad person but when normal told me how nice and supportive I was. Again an argument would happen and he would call me unsupportive, demanding, etc. He even compared me with his ex. In anger told me I married him for lack of other options, etc. Never apologised, sulked like a kid. I was the one who tried to end fights. Then other times told me ho lucky he is to have me. His family enables him, praises him a lot. I am the only one who complained to him. I am not allowed to express any feelings of hurt or disappointment. He now calls me critical. When not fighting, he would come hug me, cuddle with me, etc. Our sex life is also very erratic. He would go w/o sex for weeks, when I asked he said our fights affected him. It bothers me that he never tried to bring up this issue or tried to resolve it. Just says for him sex is not just about physical attraction. Now I also don't feel attracted. We haven't had sex in 4 months. He stills hugs me cuddle while sleeping. I have so much resentment about him rejecting me physically, emotionally and for having such love and hate feelings towards me. We have been to couple therapy twice. Both times he was reluctant, and we stopped going after few sessions. He changed his mind about first therapist. It took him so long to agree to see 2nd therapist. I love him but I feel very hopeless. I have totally ruined my chances of having a career. Now he says, I am not appreciative that he works so hard (he is in a top management position and really enjoys his work, until recently had very flexible work conditions and no long working hours), says I have too much time to think about our marriage problems while he has to be the practical and mature one. I have realised dh needs long term therapy to fix his personality issues. He projects a lot. He changes his opinion about me depending on if we are fighting or not, can easily form negative opinion. Usually he doesn't get openly angry, make irritated comments. When I ask him why he is irritated with me, gets angry. If I disagree with him or bring any concerns, gets angry and leave, and then a period of silence follows. I am really tired of this. He himself recently agreed that he has some behavioural issues. But he doesn't find me supportive. I am quite bitter inside for putting up with this and not getting any love and I think my bitterness shows every now and then. I feel he doesn't not value me. We agreed to see therapist individually. But recently we had a fight since he wants to take a job offer in US and i don't want to go further away from my family in such conditions. I want to work on my depression (caused by constant fights) and start my career. I did research and feel I am codependent. Which many Indian women are. I saw a new therapist on my own yesterday. I found him a bit too blunt - when I told him that dh's ex had npd, therapist commented that he seems to be the one with personality disorder. dh has some very good qualities but he comes from a family of rigid mindset, so he keeps fluctuating between self awareness and old school selfish values. I think our resentment and constant fights doesn't give him enough time to stabilise his thinking and change. My options now are - go back to India and restart my life. It will be a very difficult life for first few years- extremely judgemental society (strangers, colleagues, neighbours, even friends and families are like that), they don't let you forget anything. Also, I need therapy to gain back self esteem, and we don't have good therapists in India. I don't think I can stay in UK for long, dh will need to move to US in 3-4 months. If I move to US with him, I can continue therapy and start a business but I don't know how I can handle such difficult marriage. Or stay with him in UK for next 3-4 months, take therapy and go back to India. I talked to a family member, and was told that most marriages have such problems (Indian mindset) and that if I am too unhappy I should return but need to build a thick skin and focus on building career. I also fear I will miss dh badly if we split. We have some very nice moments between fights. dh is in US for the meeting, and before leaving he said his life is ruined. He is not able to see how he is affecting my life(Only a week ago he said he has realised that our marriage has made him aware of his issues). Also, I am confused about new therapist, he was a bit too opinionated. I can check with previous one, if he is willing to see me alone. He was less involved but at least less judgemental. Or try art therapy. I am quite lost and no-one to talk to. Please give me some suggestions if you can. Thanks for your patience with this long and confusing post.