online dating - nothing going on.why????

[furlinedsheepskinjacket]

arghhhh

i've been on sites for about 4 weeks now

no action, hardly anything at all.one or two messages.

is this normal? am i expecting too much?

helllllllppppp

tia

Sorry, my advice was meant for when the op does start getting hits, and yes please get a friend to read your profile, if you have a trusted male friend even better!

And no, she shouldn't respond to creeps. What I did was I had a list of 'definite' ideals, such as I wouldn't date anyone with children, and a list of 'ideals' such as should
enjoy theatre. My definitely remained so but I was willing to forgo some ideals.

That's 100 profiles viewed then 10 messages sent, 4 convoys started but most peter out.... Maybe I'm overestimating? (having been encouraged into OLD by people who had instant success!). I really resented how time consuming it was for little result but there seems to be no other way...I spent so many years(!) before & during OLD hoping to meet someone in RL but it just didn't happen...

Convoys?! :) I meant convos/conversations

No personal experience of this, but a friend was struggling with getting very low responses online and asked another mutual friend (a man) to critique her profile and picture. He gave her some frank advice, particularly about the picture which was a bit rubbish! She took his advice, tweaked her profile and changed the photo and was then innundated with replies after that! (Also she soon met a nice guy she's still with, a couple of years on.) So, in your shoes I'd be looking to reassess my photo in particular. Maybe get a few new flattering ones taken if you don't have any decent ones.

As it happens DP and I have much more in common than we realised at the start but have discovered over time - you can't fit everything in a profile - hence why making a big yes/no decision on a first date is mostly ridiculous unless some major (previously undisclosed?) dealbreaker. I only had one stated no-no (Tories).

Also I'm absolutely not a fan of people expecting a 'spark' on first date - too many romcoms! We used to know people a bit before we dated now there is too much pressure one first meeting...

lots of good advice here thanks everyone

really good to know about the hit rate/lack of - sorry it happened to posters but at least i'm not alone

i will def ask a male friend for advice

I agree the photo plays a part in first profile clicks but a poor/negative profile won't persuade someone to actually get in touch. Pic should look like you or you won't get past first date.... My first date phobia was trying to recognise men from their wildly flattering profile photos!! Bottom line re pix is you should be able to recognise someone when you meet for the first time.

Storm that's one meet per 10 message threads - each going on for days or weeks. VERY time consuming :(

Yes, agree about photos looking like you. You ideally want to project the best possible image of yourself, not look like someone else entirely.

i must admit i kind of just posted everyday pics because i thought better to be overwhelmed rather than under on the date

also wildly flattering - does no one any favours in the long run

Just an idea but have you tried plenty of silver fish? It's the mature brother of POF. Had a basic account for a joke,not even with a picture and had plenty of pm's and nudges or whatever they are.

I used PoF and met my Other Half there. It took a while and a few crap dates but was worth it :)

lol at silver fish :) good point though

i need to be more patient obvs

thanks everyone

Sorry. Tried really hard to word my message as to not to offend,but nothing i could do about the actual site name. Good luck and have fun whatever app you'll use.

thank you it made me laugh

good luck too

I think some sites have a lot more traffic than others.
I actually liked pof and that's where i met my dp.
It is time consuming, but so worth it.
I agree with other posters. Get a friend to take some good photos and include several in your profile.
Try messaging men first, develope a thick skin too.
I tried to reply to every one who messaged me even if they didn't appeal to me with a friendly hi thanks for your message but having viewed your profile your not what I'm looking for, all the best and good luck.

Don't forget you're effectively competing for attention with lots of other women who will be presenting flattering pics of themselves! Flattering doesn't have to mean unrealistic or fake! It's just presenting yourself in a good light - something that will catch their eye and make them think "She looks nice" ....not "Phoar, she's a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie!" Your approach about not setting your date up to be 'underwhelmed' clearly isn't working cos you aren't getting a look in! Time to try something else maybe?!