My husbands left do I got straight for divorce

[Sammymickyvicky]

My husband left me a week ago after 12 years together 9 of which we were married. We have 3 children together. He tells me he no longer has feelings or loves me because he doesn't feel we have anything on common anymore and I'm 2 bossy for him. But then he says he still fancy's me. So confusing. 🤔He said he will try and see if his feelings change by going on date nights and that! But I don't no if I can actually do it I'm heart broken enough as it is but can someone really fall back in love with you? Or should I just go straight in to getting a divorce??

You are married - the car is an asset of that marriage.
Along with everything else.
Get some legal advice and take it from there.
Any proof you can get of his earnings, pension, bank accounts, savings etc..... get it all.

His seen then a few times and takes them to school when he can.

I have access still to his internet banking so I'm getting his statements printed off.

Each situation is slightly different.

My wife left me and the boys 2 months ago after an affair of 1 month citing "I love you but not in-love with you".

I filed for divorce within a month, but that's only because I know 4 things: 1) She was so selfish she left her sons after such a short affair. The youngest is very emotional and has struggled. 2) She is stubborn and won't admit a mistake easily. 3) Only I was trying to save the relationship before it ended.4) For my own sake, I need to try and take control back and move on from her.

If I was in your shoes, I'd be asking myself whether I would want him back? That would help me decide.

In my case, my head says "No way", my heart isn't quite so sure.

So sorry to hear what she has done. My middle child is struggling loads and is crying most days at school. Deep down I no it's over my head is telling me to be true to myself and my heart wants me to do what ever it takes for him to come back because I love him so much but I can't do it to the kids or myself. He never gave me a chance to save our marriage and that what hurts the most.

Ahh, that's really rubbish for you all. Your last two sentences say quite a lot and it matches my situation closely.

Is your DH doing his with the children? Does your middle child need a bit of help? I'm thinking about it with my youngest. I'm doing my best, but it doesn't quite seem enough.

Whoops, meant "doing his bit with the children".

He only comes round when it suits him.
My lil boy is having extra help at school to help him cope his teacher has been fab and so supportive.

Don't let him come round when it suits him.
He shouldn't be 'coming round' anyway.
Set up structured contact.
This will also help your DC.
So he takes them every Wednesday and has them overnight every other weekend.
But not in your house.
Get some structure and routine set up for the DC as soon as you can.
Don't listen to his BS about not allowing him access, blah blah blah.
You do what is right for the DC.

I agree with hellbells. It is sometimes easier said than done if the other half is self-centred and selfish. You might have a small battle to win (I am fighting this one at the mo). If access is structured it'll allow you to plan your life and will make it easier for the kids to know where they are.

Not being at your house will make it easier for you too. The less you see him, the more time you will have to heal and get over him.

Get a shit hot lawyer, make sure you have as much money as possible in your account (ex drained joint bank accounts).

I personally prefer to be in control and preferred being the petitioner in the divorce proceedings.

Have his mail redirected to his mothers, inform tax credits you are now split up set up a CMS claim against him. Let the council know you are the only adult in your property so you get the discount on your council tax.

Take copies of his bank statements and work payslips, it helps in the CMS claims and also for divorce purposes.

I would be sorting out a divorce, there is definitely another woman in the picture. DO not get shafted by him, he is playing with your emotions whilst setting himself up to a nice comfortable home with OW.

Do not be on the back foot on this. Take control and gather information form a good solicitor to see exactly what your position is. Hit him with a dose of the reality of losing his family.

It is still very early days so my advice would be to start getting information but don't decide anything too drastic.I pushed for divorce straight away, put the house on the market but once the shock settled I wish I had taken a little more time to ensure it was right long term.

One practical step is to build a montky budget, based on you living alone.What contribution will you need from him to make it work for you? Remember tax credit and apply for single council tax.

If he taken the car can you get another one? The car is a joint asset so in a financial separation will count.

I think you should assume the marriage is over.Its important to know you deserve better.

Today he made it clear his never coming back and was just trying to please me again.
So I told him contact is every other week with the kids as my DC need to heal too.
I told him I want half his work shares and have the value of the car.
I wanna move back to Harrogate to be with family but I have no money to do so so stuck here all alone.

That's truly crap. I can imaging how you are feeling at this moment!

It's the Easter break down here so hopefully it is where you live. Perhaps you should visit Harrogate over these two weeks if you can and catch up with your family and get some support.

Mine break up tomorrow. I'm going to go Harrogate and see what my options are. Me and the children need to be happy.