Why do I feel so wretched

[Havalina]

When i was the one who ended it and I chucked him out? The shit I put up with and let him get away with. Honestly my boundaries were eroded so much I actually had the thought "oh well at least he only messaged prostitutes, maybe he didnt meet them" aghh feel like I'm going crazy

You did the right thing. Maybe it will just take you a while to process it. I think that sometimes at the end of a relationship it can take a little while for your heart to catch up with your head. Be kind to yourself and well done for getting rid.

Thanks busy, i had a very literal dream about him having an evil twin. My brain couldn't have been more blatant. So hard to square the lovely intimate times with the person he obviously is though. Cuntbag, I hate to think he deliberately set out to use me but thats the only conclusion I can come to

I can relate, I ended my relationship and I'm the one feeling awful and the fact I put up with so much shit makes me feel more awful instead of relieved that I don't need to deal with it anymore. But that's what you need to hang onto, you don't need to deal with it anymore and you can reinstate your boundaries and start treating yourself with the respect that he never did. It will take time because emotional investment is difficult to write off but you'll get there.