DH works long hours (6.30am-8pm) I am a SHAM to 3 children. We have been married for nearly 6 years.
I feel so trapped here and very very alone. I don't like leaving the house anymore. I feel like I am bringing up the children on my own. I have no friends and hardly any family.
DH won't even look at me lately and all I want is a cuddle and for him to tell me that things will get better, but he doesn't. He always used to buy me flowers, chocolates etc and tell me that he loves me. But now he doesn't. He will if I say I love you first and pressure him into it, but not if his own accord. If I ask him if he still loves me and wants to be with me, he just says 'you know I do'....(which I don't)
When he is at home he is always busy doing something else.
I never get any time for me as I am always looking after the children. If I say anything then he will tell me to go and have a bath. But I always end up doing this when the kids are in bed anyway, then he interrupts me wanting the toilet.
He spends 2 hours every other night doing weight training/exersizing. If he comes home early, he just spends even longer doing exersize. He goes mad and moans like crazy if the kids interrupt him during this time. All they want is a cuddle before bed and to spend some time with their daddy as they haven't seen him all day.
On the nights he doesn't exersize, he does something else, like spend hours in the bathroom or has to go to the shops for something, or running errands for his mother and father.
If I ask him to have a night off and spend some time with us or help me with something, he gets grumpy. If he does say he will, he spends the rest of the night in a strop saying that he never gets to do what he wants. I end up in tears.
The last time we had sex was weeks ago. I made a real effort to make myself look nice. He wasn't bothered though, then just went to sleep and didn't talk to me the next day. It has to be through his initiation or not at all. If I dare refuse he moans that I don't love him anymore, or accuses me of having someone else (which I don't)
I can't remeber the last time we spent a weekend together as a family.
If he comes home and the place is a mess cos I've been run off my feet all day, he moans 'oh I suppose I have to tidy this lot up later as well then don't I??' I can't win.
He has even started saying that he doesn't like me in certain clothes, saying that I look scruffy. Ok I never buy new clothes, but the ones I have I thought were ok. Besides, I would rather clear the debt and the kids have clean clothes than me be dressed up to the nines.
We are in debt by about £15,000 but he still keeps spending. I had to buy a new fridge and freezer the other day as ours had broken. This is the only thing I have bought in ages, and as far as I saw it, we needed it....our old one was leaking everywhere, got cracks in it and the doors didn't close as the magnets have gone on the doors. He went mad at me, even though I bought the cheapest one I could find that was the size we needed. I pointed out that it was dangerous to have a fridge below a certain temperature, especially with baby bottles and meat in the fridge. He said there was nothing wrong with the old one and that if there was then I probably did it on purpose so I could get a new one.
He never gets up to the children and I cannot remeber the last time I had a full nights sleep. Not that I mind. At the end of the day, its not forever, but the offer of help would be nice. If I wake him, he stomps around moaning and waking up everyone in the house. Its easier to do it myself.
He is always saying he cannot understand why I am the way I am....when I tell him he just says I am being stupid and goes off in a huff.....AGAIN.
It feels like we are leading separate lives but under the same roof. I am so alone. Is it me or him? Or is it my fault? My head is racked at the moment. I am so miserable. If it weren't for the kids I think I would do something stupid. I am sure if is wasn't for the kids, we wouldn't be together. I am sorry for ranting but I really need to talk to someone