It's only been four months since discovering my H's secret relationship with a previous work colleague which was considered an EA (I posted about it before with all of the details).
It's broken me much more than I (and probably he) ever thought. He is very remorseful and he does everything in his power to help us move forwards as a couple.
However, I go through cycle after cycle of emotional ups and downs and none of us know what's coming next. It's draining and bordering on extremely unhealthy now. Probably because they're happening every few days, mostly when he's at work (they don't work together anymore) but I think it's that while distrust I have now.
I wanted to know every little detail. I contacted the OW and she told me A LOT (although H maintains some is not true) and now I find myself obsessing over those details, their conversations, interactions, the dates, what we were doing/ going through etc etc at the time and now they're all triggers. Anything that reminds me of him and her sends me into another low and I cannot cope and I tell him I'm done (again)!
My wedding ring has been mostly off since the discovery (I've never taken it off in 9 years prior to this). I have put it back on a few times but the pain I feel when I think about it is too much. He broke those vows. He didn't forsake all others.
I don't want to lose what we have; We have 3 DD's and he's the perfect father and husband (other than this). But obviously I'm struggling to come to terms with this.
Is this because it's still early days? Am I just being too sensitive? Do I need to learn to put this away (or at least try to?) or does it sound like I'm not going to get over it?
I need some reassurance on moving on after betrayals and deceit when you felt like you and your H/P were solid, soul mates and no one else could come between you?! Because right now I question how he could have done this to me (over three quarters of a year) without thinking it wouldn't ruin us.