How to forgive and let go.

[Seagull89]

I'm having a hard time learning to forgive my partner for something that happened a few months ago. It's eating me up. I feel that by forgiving him, I'm saying "it's ok that you did what you did" and by that, it's like I'm accepting it.

I really can't see what he's done wrong. He can't control her turning up. Please let it go or end the relationship.

"The big problem is i'll have a trigger"...

perhaps this has happened because now is the time to look at the fears in you - those ones that cause a trigger because even if this ex goes away - if you already have areas that can be triggered then its likely there will be something else ... and then something else etc etc.

I aren't controlling, not even remotely. He can do what ever the hell he likes, he goes out all weekend and I leave him to it. I don't text, I don't pester, I don't ask him what he's doing.

This is the only thing that upsets me or did.

I used that as a bad example. I'm very laid back in this relationship, I've always said he can do whatever he likes except for cheating. And I still stand by that. I always have the theory that he is his own person just like I am and he can live his life how ever he feels.

I can identify in part as my STBXH continued to be his XW's emotional support for years. She was dramatic, she turned up, she never stopped contacting him. He was weak because he never told her not to. But it sounds like your boyfriend did step up and he did block her.

I think there's a bit of low self esteem and self sabotage in you - letting go of this resentment, however irrational, will really set you free. It's you that you are damaging by playing it thru time and again in your head.

I honestly know what you're saying. It's so hard. Like there's incidents that have happened that I can't let go of. When he had her in, he ignored me the whole night, and all the next morning, he unblocked her and was able ro contact her but ignored me. I had to go to him ans get it out of him. That's another thing that I bet upset about.

I don't mean to self sabotage, it's not something I do on purpose, I adore the guy and the relationship. I think I don't like him to forget what happened even though by doing that I am sabotaging.

I know you'll all assume I'm some idiot. Or I'm an awful girlfriend. I'm not at all, I do make him happy, he will in love with me and on my loved her as a friend. He says the relationship we have is the best one he's ever had. I love these things as it makes me know I'm doing something right.

would have been to block her when she was being inappropriate,
I'm not sure they recognise (or care as much) when something is inappropriate ( I have experienced this on a number of occasions). So make sure he knows what you consider appropriate and if he takes this on board and sticks to it you might feel better about moving on.

OP- how long have you been with your DP?
Is it a case of months? Sounds so from your first post

We've been together 10months.