Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

is this normal

24 replies

user1486897010 · 03/04/2017 04:00

Hi,

I just want to know what people think of this and if any other women do it.
ive only been in a relationship with one guy before so dont have much to compare to.

My dp has quite a high sex drive so normally wants sex a lot and im sometimes not in the mood but i do try to keep him satisfied.

if i say im not in the mood for sex then he will normally ask for a blowjob or handjob and so i will do that instead. Do many other women do that?

i dont mind giving bjs, i am just interested in if anyone else does this? am i caring about his needs too much?

OP posts:

FritzDonovan · 03/04/2017 04:50

im sometimes not in the mood but i do try to keep him satisfied.

Rubyslippers7780 · 03/04/2017 07:20

You can not compare what one couple do to what you do. If you are happy then that suits you then do it, if not don't.

HerOtherHalf · 03/04/2017 07:28

If you are truly happy with it then I guess it's fine, however as you're posting about it I suspect your not fine. Sexual desire has physical and emotional elements. If somehow you are not physically in the mood but are emotionally then I suppose you might be getting something out of it. However, if you are just being used as an on-call 24/7 sex object then he is completely disregarding your feelings and your self-esteem will erode over time. Don't you think you deserve better?

DevelopingDetritus · 03/04/2017 07:28

Well, it's not normal in my world. If you don't feel like it, then he needs to sort himself out. You do not need to do anything you're uncomfortable with. The man has no respect for you if he expects this.

Quartz2208 · 03/04/2017 07:29

You are still with him then, I take it it's still going on then. Having to do is every night when you don't really want to is not normal no.

BumbumMcTumtum · 03/04/2017 07:32

Do whatever you're comfortable with. If you don't feel like giving him any kind of job, then don't. He's a big boy. He's capable of sorting out himself.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 07:34

What does it matter what's normal? It's about what makes you happy.

For me, ehrm, no.

Original poster

user1486897010 · 03/04/2017 07:41

thankyou.

I dont really mind doing it for him. it is a bit of a chore yes but i like that it makes him happy.

my friend just said they would never do that. so i just wanted to post here to see if other people did.

i have asked him to wank before but he doesnt like doing that when he has a girlfriend

OP posts:

BumbumMcTumtum · 03/04/2017 07:53

If you're happy, then that's great.

But
i have asked him to wank before but he doesnt like doing that when he has a girlfriend
I hate this attitude. Girlfriends are people too, and it's ok not to want sexual activities at the same time!

shockshockhorror · 03/04/2017 08:14

Have you heard the expression "why have a dog and bark yourself?" That's how your boyfriend views you - why have a girlfriend and wank yourself?

You are worth more than that. You don't owe him blowjobs ffs.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 08:16

i have asked him to wank before but he doesnt like doing that when he has a girlfriend

Oh I can guarantee he's a wanker.

DevelopingDetritus · 03/04/2017 08:19

What would his reaction be if you refused? Or have you ever refused?

Original poster

user1486897010 · 03/04/2017 08:21

well i kind of just thought that it is part of being a girlfriend.

guys are hornier than girls so sometimes you have to do stuff when youre not in the mood. Is not totally bad. I dont hate it but sometimes dont want to but think i should just not moan and do it for him.

but noone else thinks that? is that really bad?

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 03/04/2017 08:24

I think if someone is both parties are consenting & there is no coercion, then it's fine. I've certainly done it for DP when I've not really been in the mood & vice versa

BumbumMcTumtum · 03/04/2017 08:28

guys are hornier than girls myth

so sometimes you have to do stuff when you're not in the mood myth

But same token, I understand and appreciate that it makes you happy to make your partner happy.

DuggeeHugs · 03/04/2017 08:29

OP, did you post before about your DP also groping you in public? I only ask because this sound familiar. If you're not that poster, but the groping happens here too, it may be worth searching for that thread because there was a lot of advice on there.

ChemistryGeek · 03/04/2017 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quartz2208 · 03/04/2017 08:49

Yep DuggeeHugs I think it is the same person

TheMythOfFingerprints · 03/04/2017 08:50

Er op, you don't have to do anything if you're not in the mood.
His attitude if you said no, and stuck to it, would tell you everything you need to know if the fact that he views you as a selection of holes to service him isn't enough.

DuggeeHugs · 03/04/2017 09:15

If you are the same poster OP then it depends on consent (not coercive consent), respect and whether he's stopped filming this to share without your consent. If that last part is still happening then I'm afraid this definitely isn't normal.

and hoping things have improved since your last thread

Justreadingtheforum · 03/04/2017 09:44

We are the other way around. My husband's sex drives isn't as great as mine and he's happy with full sex once a week, I am not. He will stimulate me by hand a couple of times a week if I am feeling horny. I could sort myself out, but I enjoy the intimacy (we will kiss whilst he does it to me) and he is much better at it than I am.

There's no problems as long as you're both on the same page.

DevelopingDetritus · 03/04/2017 09:57

Oh, I hope this isn't the poster from the other thread

ElspethFlashman · 03/04/2017 10:05

Yeah it's the same poster.

OP I'm not being funny but you had 17 pages recently of people telling you it was abuse. You know it's abusive. You'd only had him back a month and already he was showing your friends you giving him blow jobs on his phone and mauling you in front of them.

Not sure how more we can elaborate?

You were living without him until February so I'm also not sure why you feel so trapped at the beginning of April.

DevelopingDetritus · 03/04/2017 10:44

I don't know what you want us all to say OP that hasn't already been said OP. The impression I got from you by the end of that other thread, was that you realised it was abuse and that you were making plans to get out. So all that has fell through then has it?

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread