sexual frustration!!

[user1490981241]

Been doing alot of reading and want to know what all you other ladies think... i have a higher than average sex drive and my dp has a low one. We have been together 5 years im 23 he is 31 and have a 20 month old son.

We have sex maybe once every few months (when it suits him- if i suggest sex or make a mive i fet rejected and he soesnt understand why i feel he isnt attracted to me anymore and i have developed body image problems...) and it lasts less than a minute each time... no foreplay involved (not for lack of trying). Before we had our son he would go for hours and it would be insanely passionate and spectacular to the point i was sore for a few days from the workput!!! More so while i was pregnant!! But since having ds he doesnt seem as interested as i am and he wont talk about it with me (he isnt one to communicate, he cant express emotion due to horrific childhood and refuses to seek councelling). Ive tried everything to bring the spark back and nothing has worked so decided its maybe me that has the problem and need to change...

I want to supress my sex drive as im pulling my hair out with this!!! Any one have advice on how to deal with the frustration pro-actively? Anyone else in the same situation?

Goodness no OP don't start playing games or second guessing each other.

TALK to him! Sit down when you're both calm and not stressed and have plenty of time (just after DS has gone to bed?) and TALK!!!!!

Explain how you feel and ASK him what's going on! Then really listen to what he has to say.

You cannot have an intimate relationship without communication.

If he still doesn't care enough to address the issue after you have got him to see how you feel, then like isetan says, the problems in your relationship run deeper.

No he isnt TheElephantofSurprise. Hes a really good man! We almost split up when a few months ago i booked him and his friends into a hotel for a weekend to have a 'lads weekend' and told him he was single for the weekend and could do anything he wanted to but he went apeshit at me and told me it was a waste of money and a stupid idea... i gave him the option to sleep with other people and he was hving none of it and dodnt speak to me for days afterwards. Im lost for what to do. Ive even offered (not something im keen on doing) a 3 some or swinging for a while to spice it up but insisted he doesnt want other people and that he wants me but he seems to think im demanding of sex because im more horny for it :/. Dont want me and him to finish over sex so just want to try supressing my libido for a while to see if that gets us anywhere. Hes not asking me to change and i dont expect him to but i think i should give it a try before giving up?

What's in this relationship for you, OP? He sounds awful.

Could he be gay?

i gave him the option to sleep with other people and he was hving none of it and dodnt speak to me for days afterwards

I'm not surprised!!!! I wouldn't speak to my DH if he had behaved like that, it shows a total lack of respect and understanding of your partner and their feelings.

It seems like the 2 of you are on different pages.

You need to reconnect emotionally through communication if you want to connect sexually

perhaps he is just stressed and depressed?
What worries me though is that you say that when you do have sex he just comes without any thought for you. I think thats pretty awful to be honest. I would not put up with that at all.
I think in any relationship sex can ebb and flow. I know i had a few months where i had very little sex with my husband at one point just because i was so stressed and tired... eventually it did pick up again.
Hes been too tired from work to have sex with me on occassion but never in a million years would he think it was okay to just pump and dump!! If he came early for some reason hed carry on making sure i reached orgasm etc.

The problem is that you are willing to come to some sort of compromise or at least try and understand but he wont discuss it at all really. That is incredibly unfair of him. I know these things can be hard to talk about but i think you owe your partner some insight into how you are feeling and why personally. If i didnt want to have sex with my husband i would make sure he understood why and id acknowledge that it was i who wasnt up for it.... i wouldnt gaslight him into thinking he was a nypho for wanting to have sex more than once a month!!

I dont know the answer for you OP I hope you get him to talk about it. But if he just wont admit to their being a problem then i think at some point you may have to consider leaving him. This is no way to spend the rest of your life.

Could he be gay?
I wondered...
If he kicks off at the idea of sex outside marriage, it might be that he has health issues re sex.
But you're only 23. Don't commit yourself to a lifetime without sex. You and he can be friends and co-parent, you can split up and have a partner who wants to have sex with you.

You have gone from lover to mother.

Kills a lot of men's interest.

Think there is a name for it but can't remember it

Ive tried discussing it with him but he doesnt think theres a problem. Hes not gay from what i can see in the 5 years ive known him. Ive tried connecting with him emotionally about it but like i said he wont talk about it because he sees nothing wrong with iur sex life... he is a fantastic guy he really is and i love him with all my heart its just the sex part thats died. We still go on dates etc when we have a babysitter for ds but no sex or excitement or spontinaity anymore but i dont want it to end because of it. I will try talking to him again tonight and update tomorrow morning if ive had any progress. Thanks ladies i really appreciate your replies! X

Update- sat him down last night said everything i had to say, gave him paper and pen and told him to write his responses as i spoke so he didnt interupt me. I said everything i had to say and went for a hot bath and he walked out and left him pondering. To my unexpected delight he came upstairs and sat with me and TOLD me what he had to say... yes, he actually spoke! He told me he is still attracted to me and he does still want me and explained he is currently seeing a urologist or whatever theyre called about his issues down there and seeking councelling help with his communication skills. He claims that he has been finishing too early for months, he said he has even to his own disgust tried 'mastering masterbation' when you build yourself to go longer or more than once to control the impulse to ejaculate but it hasnt done anything so he was embarrassed and thought if he atleast had no sex for ages and it happened he could use that as an excuse without being laughed at and didnt realise how much it was affecting me and appologised and we kissed and made up before he joined me in the bath following a little blue pill he went and bought and had the best 2h 45m of passionate sex weve ever had!! Safe to say im no longer frustrated, instead i am the most satisfied i have been for 2 years and i slept like a log! (He even pulled a sicky at work this morning so he could get ds up washed dressed and fed and to his playgroup so i could have a lie in and cane back to wake me up to the most blissful backfiring oral ive ever had... EVER! hahaha. TMI but maybe i just wasnt understanding it fully or had the confidence to just vent at him and something you ladies had done had somehow encouraged me to do it and were both now happy and on our way to becoming our normal selves again!

Thankyou ladies for your support i really appreciate your help! xx

That's great news! Pleased for you both. Just keep talking! xx