Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling so lost..

15 replies

missmove38 · 02/04/2017 21:52

So without going into detail I'm feeling totally lost and upset.
Met someone 7 months ago..on a dating site..(had been speaking for months before but never met) fell for each other straight away and have been inseparable ever since. Not full on In each others pockets but a lot and have pretty much everything in common/same views etc.

He works nights (I've posted about this before) and the weekends are our main time together. It's caused a few rows if he doesn't get enough sleep and we've been arguing on and off due to it..it passes and we carry on.
Queue yesterday when he got cross again due to lack of sleep..he wasn't happy when. I got up and we ended up arguing as he said I had little respect that he was in the bed and it got out of hand with him being not very nice in terms of throwing verbal abuse at me.

I get to my friends yesterday after the row and she tells me she's something to tell me..that he was on tinder last weekend..I was heartbroken and confronted him..he denied it but immediately removed me off Facebook and has blocked me on everything he can.

Obviously there's bits to this but nothing major..nothing enough to warrant this. I love this bloke, he's so perfect in my eyes, I feel like the last 7 months have just been ripped away from me while the rest of me wonders if he's been cheating on me for some of it..

What is the matter with men?? Sad

OP posts:
Seagull89 · 02/04/2017 22:00

When you say he was angry you got up? Does that mean he didn't like you getting out of bed or you were noisy? Hmm

The blocking thing is the big concern, why would he do that if he's innocent?

Original poster
missmove38 · 03/04/2017 08:25

Seagull he says I'm restless and it keeps him awake. I've apologised for this as obviously don't know I'm doing it? I've only ever been in 2 long term relationships previous to him never been like this with other partners (or I've never been told if I am).
He's ended up in my spare room before but even that's an issue, he blames the cats, even the birds outside..actually as I read this if he hadn't been like it from the start I would think he was doing it to start a row.
He is fed up where he lives too as has builders above his place at the mo so seems constantly tired. The really sad thing is if he had a day job I'm sure he'd be spot onSad

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 03/04/2017 08:32

If I wasn't on Tinder but, was accused of it, my attitude would be well fuck this & block as well. Was your friend meddling? Have you seen screen shots of his profile?

Seagull89 · 03/04/2017 09:26

From what you've said, it sounds like they're his issues and he's taking them out on you.

I suggest you be a little more firmer and tell him to stop taking his moods out on you, you don't deserve it and shouldn't be in his firing line.

With regards to tinder, you really do need concrete proof.

Original poster
missmove38 · 03/04/2017 15:49

Thanks for the replys. Sorry didn't put down everything and yes tinder is a big part. I have proof, he actually swiped a friend of hers and I have screen shots with dates of proof. He said he'd shut down the profile ages ago yet when we first got together ago he had a go at me for having not totally shutting my account down straight away he said he wasn't on any?

OP posts:
Seagull89 · 03/04/2017 15:56

With regards to that, it's your choice on how you handle the situation.

Has he unblocked you?

blackteasplease · 03/04/2017 16:45

Just forget about him and move on. He sounds awful. Blaming the birds in the sky ffs.

Original poster
missmove38 · 03/04/2017 22:46

No he hasn't unblocked meSad
I find out tonight from my eldest that she has messaged him this morning asking what's going on, that he was too a big part of her life (she never got on with my ex) and she was so sad..that broke my heart. He read her message and never replied..I feel even worse now.

OP posts:
ittooshallpass · 03/04/2017 22:59

How can he be perfect in your eyes when he shouts verbal abuse at you?

He sounds awful. Please get him out of your life and defintely don't let your children get involved.

7 months is no time at all. He has shown his true colours. You is not a nice man. His lack of sleep is just an excuse to be vile.

Trust your friend, she clearly has your back. Don't bother looking for any 'proof' about what he's clearly been up to; just be glad it's over.

Chalk it up to experience. Yes it's disappointing but you deserve to be treated with respect.

Original poster
missmove38 · 04/04/2017 08:39

Ittooshallpass I know you're right. I know reading that, that I need to move on but it is very hard all the same. Yes he's shouted abuse but I'm assuming in anger as he's been caught, he was never as rude the rest of the time just moody.
I know that if he cared about me he'd have made an effort to speak to me not block me..I know he wouldn't have said such hurtful things..I didn't.
I try and think of the bad but he was so lovely in so many ways..a proper gentleman, generous, loving, asking about my day, we've spent so much time together and done so much he has become a big part of my life. I know some people don't work, I'm just truly shocked at how he's just walked away.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 04/04/2017 08:47

Can someone please explain to me why I read so many threads like these, where women say how much they love this guy, he's perfect when clearly they are far from perfect, it is never just one incident but several?

OP, there are LOADS of guys out there who wouldn't be moody with you just because they work nights. Who don't verbally abuse people. Who don't go on dating sites while in relationships. In many cases, don't even have rows. You yourself say you've been arguing on and off about stuff - you've only been together 7 months! I was with my ex partner and she and I only had one argument in 11 years!!!

Let's not say what's wrong with men, because lots of us (I am one of them) are not like this at all. Just confine it to "what's wrong with THIS man?" and the answer to that question is "Because he's a total wanker".

Waste no more time on him or thinking about him or thinking that you were in love with him. It's not love when you treat someone like that OR allow yourself to be treated like that.

Whatatododo · 04/04/2017 08:50

What a coward. He gets caught out and can't face the music so blocks you.

Original poster
missmove38 · 04/04/2017 09:10

Thanks shatners, you are right and I apologise for tarring men..I know you're not all the same!
And yes coward is exactly right

OP posts:
Original poster
missmove38 · 08/04/2017 18:32

This feels no better a week on..feels like weeks have passed. Minimal contact, still blocked but did messenger him. No real sense from it just blaze attitude. One minute I'm wound up the next crying my eyes out. Absolutely miserable at the moment and can't see past any of the good bitsSad

OP posts:
Itsseweasy · 09/04/2017 12:58

Stay strong. There's a good man out there for you, it is definitely not him!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.