We've been married over 10yrs and had children almost as long. Relationship issues are now so bad that we are planning to separate temporarily. Neither of us want this - we still both love each other but cannot parent together very well.
The children can be hard work but I have been a full time parent since day 1 so feel like I have it under control. Due to a change in circumstances DH has been around and involved a lot more recently and this has lead to things falling apart - he really struggles to manage the children's behaviour, I get stressed and upset seeing this and he can't cope with my stress either.
Moving on - we want to stay married and are trying everything we can to work on our marriage (study at home course, regular dates, individual counselling and starting couple counselling soon), however, DH basically only wants the good parts of being a parent. He believes that he works full time and earns a good salary so he provides more than enough. I am going back to work soon and yet he expects me to deal with everything else alone - all the housework and basically all the parenting. He just wants the days out, holidays, treats and positive side of me and the kids. He can't be around me or the kids when we're sad, grumpy, angry, tired.
How can we work on our marriage and parent together if he's not prepared to put in any effort? I just have to come to terms with his reluctance to parent his kids? I'm feeling very resentful that he just wants to appear when we're all well behaved and leave when things turn sour - a bit like a relative we have that always arrives with gifts and sweets/chocolates but leaves when the kids start acting up. We are determined to avoid permanent separation or divorce.