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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce - finances - is my friend getting ripped off?

30 replies

balia · 31/03/2017 22:05

BF has finally left controlling, alcoholic H. She tried to go a year ago but went back after a few months after his family guilted her into it.

Anyway, she has always worked, and although H earns more than her generally, his work has been patchy for the last year due to the alcohol and he has been picking up part-time work and doing a part-time uni course. BF has been making up the shortfall (plus paying for uni course fees) by working all hours.

H is now blaming his drinking on her. He has drawn up a financial plan, apparently with legal advice, to divide up the assets (no DC). They have 2 properties, the marital home and a rental place. There is more debt than anything else, really, but he wants to be 'bought out'. In his plan, he keeps the marital home (takes on mortgage) but if she wants the other property to live in, she has to get a new mortgage plus pay him his share of the equity. He says this is because the marital home was his before they moved in together (which is true) plus he's entitled to his original deposit out of the equity calculation and he should get more of the equity because he lived there for x number of years before she moved in, so there is virtually nothing left.

He also wants her to pay him for half the balance on his credit cards, but if she wants to keep her car (which she needs to get to work) she has to give him the deposit amount that was paid, and take on the loan.

He has also cleared out the joint account - he says this is to pay the mortgages/bills etc. She has literally £10 in her purse.

He says this is a generous offer and that his sol has told him he could ask for far more. Obviously I've told her to get free legal advice etc but she is in a bit of a state and is thinking she'll just give in as the price of her freedom. (She has no savings and will have to get a loan to pay this money.) Is this the best way to go to be free of him, or is she entitled to a better deal?

OP posts:
Trich · 08/04/2017 00:13

This reply has been deleted

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balia · 08/04/2017 12:22

So, that didn't go well - apparently the sol wasn't very interested, only gave her 15 minutes and said that a judge might rule that ex had a point about the deposit and the extra equity.

BF is now feeling that trying to get a fair deal will be too hard, and that STBX will use it to continue to control and generally torment her. She wants to be free and clear, she says, including off any linked financial stuff like the mortgage, and she doesn't care if he gets more than a fair share, she's just had enough.

I'm not going to try and talk her out of it right now, I think she needs a break from it, at least for the weekend. But maybe next week I'll suggest she sees a different sol. Thanks for everyone's help/advice so far.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/04/2017 12:27

Tell her to see another solicitor there are good and bad ones out there!!

She could say she'll go 60:40 on debts and assets if that is a better offer and make him feel he's won?

kittybiscuits · 08/04/2017 12:35

'He said' - everything he says is a lie. Bert has given fab advice. Your friend should not be put off by one crap solicitor. She needs to keep looking for the right person who will stand up for her. The ex is a cunt and the right legal advisor will soon wipe the smirk off his face.

Graphista · 08/04/2017 15:08

Definitely good and bad solicitors my 1st was useless at the time (pre mn Grin) I didn't know you could go to a different solicitor - one of the secretaries in the original solicitors office did a side whisper 'you know you can change solicitor don't you?' And I looked into who was recommended.

I ended up with a FANTASTIC woman who was one of main partners at her firm who got everything I'd already spent 2 years trying to sort DONE in 6 months!

Included threatening to report exs solicitor for threatening emails and conduct in court environment, not processing financials in a timely manner and other stuff.

Also included getting a contact order in place which previous solicitor had failed to do (I think previous solicitor hated dealing with courts she was quite Unassertive)

And telling me to call police EVERY TIME ex was abusive/threatening at handovers.

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