Am I being ridiculous?

[ibegyourpardon1980]

I've been seeing a guy for about six months now. It's a bit tricky as we both have children and he works long hours. We have met each other's children though and (I thought at least) we try to see each other as often as we can which is usually 2 or 3 times a week.
So he has his children every other weekend and on his weekend that he doesn't have them he usually stays at mine for a night.
A few times now he has said he might come over on a night that he is free but then changed his mind saying he is too tired. This is annoying me a bit as he says he misses me all the time but surely if he did he would let just being tired stop him seeing me would it? Or am I just being ridiculous?
Please be honest before I bring it up with him and look like a bunny boiler and ruin things

You're actions are saying that your time isn't valuable like others have said. Your time alone & with friends is just as important. I really liked my partner after 6 months however, wouldn't have wanted to see them all the time.

Don't sweat it op, there really is nothing wrong here.

If it doesn't make you happy and you're not getting what you need out of it, then pack it in.

it sounds like he's giving mixed signals - talking the talk, but not being arsed. I believe in paying attention to the actions, not words.

To be fair, you are letting him know you are available.
It's hard to say what's going on here.
It could be that you have both rushed in, declaring love and so on, but now the initial rush has worn off he's cooling down while keeping his options open.
It could also be that you have both rushed in and he's now feeling a bit smothered by it all.
Or could simply be that his relationship pace and intensity is less than yours and he sees nothing wrong in a night to himself or doing something unrelated to his relationship.

In any case you have both declared love and introduced kids too hastily in my opinion. As you have demonstrated, the relationship isn't stable enough to bring to your kids' table. You haven't known him for very long and you're not sure what his intentions are.
Slow down.

I have only introduced him as a friend to my kids. They've only actually seen him three times. His children are older so understand more really

I see. The tone in your opening posts pitches introducing the children as an indication of seriousness...but your latest post refutes that notion. I don't know which it is.

General advice - if a person's actions do not reflect their words, we are right to be wary of what they say.

I categorically would not want to see someone 3 times a week if I'd been dating them for 6 months.

I work long hours and I have a life. I just wouldn't want to spend all of my precious free time with someone. I don't see why that's a problem the.

It doesn't matter what anyone else wants tho - if a relationship isn't fitting what this person wants, I don't know why everyone is so anxious to make them change their parameters.

Surely that's the bloody way we end up with so many failed relationships after desperately trying to make it work for however long - generally the signs were there from the start and they weren't a good fit, but they thought if they subjugated their own needs they could make it work.

If it's not enough for you, OP, it's not enough. Don't declare yourself needy - find someone who wants what you do.

Category that makes perfect sense! We are all different, all have different perceptions and expectations of things and if we are not matching up it's not going to work.
I think id rather be in my own than feel like an option tbh. It's all or nothing for me

I think you're far too needy. It's okay for him to change his mind. I do it with friends; it doesn't make me a bad person.

I can say to a friend I might pop around later. If I get home and I'm tired and I can't be bothered leaving the house the travel there, I won't go. If I get home and think actually, I can't be bothered entertaining anybody this evening and fancy a night alone, I won't go.

You say you'd rather be on your own than feel like an option and that it's all or nothing... you sound so controlling. Be careful you don't give him that ultimatum. If a guy told me it was see him more (when already seeing him for half of my week) or not at all, that'd be huge red flags about controlling behaviour and eventually zoning me out from having a life outside of him.

I think you need to refocus your life on to you and try and find some ways of finding fulfilment without it being from a man - a new hobby, a tv series, a gym class.

I would never get in to a situation where I am expected to spend more than half of my time with a partner and therefore forfeit my own time, time with friends and family etc.

Token ginger I absolutely won't be giving him that ultimatum. I don't want to force him to spend time with me at all. I'm just accepting that that's how he sees things (much like you do!) which is fine for lots of people but it's not for me.
I really don't need a man to make me happy but if I do have one I don't want it to be half hearted

I really don't need a man to make me happy but if I do have one I don't want it to be half hearted.

But seeing someone 2-3 times a week is hardly 'half hearted' is it? .

Surely you are busy with your children/work/looking after the house/seeing other friends & family/doing hobbies/etc etc? Do you really just sit around expecting to see your BF all the time?

Of course not. We are both busy people with children and that's absolutely fine. It's fine to want a night on your own of course but tell me that rather than keeping me as an option. I feel like he keeps me hanging on with a 'I might be able to see you' so instead of me making other plans I wait for him, then he decides he can't because he's tired. We are both very busy so I feel like in the times that we both aren't i.e. We are doing nothing else then he should at least want to see me rather than stay in on his own texting me to say how much he misses me

I am an introvert who needs my own space, and would find spending all of my free time with someone else suffocating.

BUT having said that I think YANBU OP because it sounds like he is leaving you hanging a little bit. If he say, told you on Wednesday that he would prefer a night in alone on Friday that is one thing, but if he tells you on Friday he won't be coming after all, that's another story.

I think it's OK to say every now and again 'I know we had plans tonight but I'd really rather be alone tonight', but if it's happening too often it is showing a disrespect for your feelings.