Please help me find direction

[SilverLining10]

I know I come across as UR, ungrateful and probably need a slap but I'm just feeling so down and lost.

I've just had my First D.C. Not too long ago.
Previous to that I had a successful but unfulfilling career. I took a break before having D.C. And my dh was very supportive and I'm a sahp now. I love my DS to bits, however Im not sure what's going on with me.

I should have nothing to complain about. I have a lovely mortgage free home, my DS is healthy, a lovely dh, very financially well off, full time help, we've just purchased a new dream home. This life is a complete turn around from how I grew up. Horrific emotional abuse by my dm, suicide by my df, being a victim of a horrific crime, just so much pain before meeting my dh and things slowly started turning around.

I now have the things I dreamed of, prayed about - a stable home life, unconditional love and support from my dh, a healthy and loving ds, yet I feel so empty. I can't talk about this to anyone because I know how ungrateful I sound. I can't explain it.
I feel as if the journey to get here has drained me so much that I now exist rather than live life. I feel as though I'm keeping it together, and I would rather not be here. I wouldn't do that to my dh and DS though.

Sorry if I sound awful, just putting down some thoughts that's all jumbled up in my head. I'm not in the U.K. But have lived there for many years before moving back home. Not sure what I'm asking. Thanks for reading

How old is your DS? Sounds like you are suffering from PND. Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

Do you get out much? Babygroups? See friends etc?

Did you have counselling to overcome everything you went through early in your life?
I would also hazard a guess at PND.
Have a chat with your HV or GP about it.

You've done so well to get to where you are now.
Get some professional help to ensure you can enjoy what you have.
Congrats on your DS.

You had a very traumatic childhood and you're just at the right point for PND, too. I wondered whether your father was a similar age to you now when he committed suicide.

You know you have to seek help immediately, don't you? Leaving it and hoping for the best really won't work here. You have an awful lot of issues that need to be dealt with and you need to get yourself into the best state of health so that you can cope.

Why not see your doctor and tell them everything that you've said in your opening post? Don't leave anything out. I'm sure you'll get the support you need.

Give it time. I promise. Youll be alright in time xx

I agree with others - get some help - PND and past trauma. See your GP. You have been amazingly strong - it is often when things calm down/life improves that all our old coping mechanisms start to fall apart.

You have depression. You are not ungrateful. You are not weak. You need HELP. You need to see a doctor as soon as humanly possible.

It wouldnt be unusual to suffer depression over a bad childhood when you have your own baby. Seeing your baby can trigger emotions to do with your own upbringing. Go for counselling. You are in a good place now to deal with stuff from.your past. Dont beat yourself up. This is just another step on the journey. It might also be a good idea to talk with your GP. You will come through this but face it now so you can go on to lead what sounds like a lovely life. So GP and then counselling.