Getting married again. How do you know?

[WhenIsTheTime]

I've NC as this is very outing.

We are both in our late 40s and have children who are young adults so they're all doing the leaving home hokey cokey

We met over a year ago, he proposed, we moved in together and we are incredibly happy.
Not that stupid happy of mad teenage love but very content.
We laugh, we're very busy but we spend lots of time together, we're happy spending a Sunday morning in bed, we talk about everything, walk together, go out together, compromise but not too much.

All of our children get on.
It couldn't have gone better to be honest.

There are no red flags, none.
I wish I'd met him years ago.
We have a strong foundation and a healthy relationship.
I'm excited when I finish work for the day and I get to go home to him and he feels the same way too.

We are getting married because we are very much in love.
We won't have anymore children, aren't financially dependant on each other but for us it's a celebration for us, our families and friends and to stand up and say 'I love this person, now let's celebrate it'.

I'm old enough to know that I know nothing!
I do think I'm being very over-analytical and I'm not about to call off the wedding, not at all.
I want to marry him but my big question, having had such an awful first marriage is how can I be sure this time?
I just don't want to repeat the monumental fuck up of my first marriage.
How were you sure? This is particularly directed at second or third or more timers but all opinions are welcome.
How did you know it was the right thing to do?
Does anyone know?

I got married again about 18 months ago. We'd been together a long time (18 years!) and I think I was worried that being married would change things. Like you, we had 2 children each, who are now adults and all get along brilliantly. My favourite wedding photo is of us and the 4 of them. We had a very relaxed wedding at the local church and village hall, all the children helped do the decorations, it was just wonderful
To my great relief, it's not changed anything, in fact it's better .
You sound very happy, have a wonderful wedding day and I wish you all the best for the future

From reading your OP and update, I can't imagine why you have any doubts at all? It all sounds perfect.

But to answer the question of, "how do you know"....well, you just don't. I was with first H for 20 years (married 17 yrs) and I could never have known when I married him, that he would be a habitual cheat. Fucking soul destroying! He was my first BF, and I was so shocked 16 years in, to find out that he'd cheated the whole time. When I finally left him 4 years later, he beat me up twice and tried to stiff me financially. I didn't see any of it coming.

But you have a choice in life. You either let something like that swear you off men for life, or you get back up and decide that there are decent men out there and you deserve true love. But of course, it makes you sensitive.

I have been with my 2nd DH now for 8.5 years, and we celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary tomorrow (yey!). I honestly think we will be together for life.

Most of my friends are in 2nd marriages. I actually think there's a tendency to marry too young, say in your 20's, when you haven't played the field, you don't really know what you want, but marriage and babies is expected, and maybe as your near late 20's/early 30's you feel you had better get on with it as the biological clock is ticking.

In my experience (mine and all of my friends) the men that married in their 20's didn't adapt well as the marriage evolved. In almost all cases, they had kids, and the wife is suddenly mid 30's, sleep deprived, not up for much sex, pre-occupied with the babies (which is totally understandable), but the guy didn't take the journey with her, he carried on going out and getting pissed, and then eventually fucking about, because his wife got "boring". Well, Doh, she's looking after her "D"H, running a house, maybe working too and raising kids.

Anyway, I think when you get together in your 40's, all of that "grunt" work is over. You don't have to find someone to procreate (you've both had your kids), so you get together, purely to just be together. You have also done the rounds/sowed your oats, and choose freely to be with that one person.

All of the 2nd marriages I know, have worked.

Having said all of the above, you can never know if one person will change/fall out of love and fuck off. So please be sure to make pre-nup arrangements and wills that ensure you are financially protected!