does any one else feel they have too much going on to be loved?

[happyfrown]

it got me thinking yesterday when a bus driver wrote 'coffee? and his number' on back of a ticket. I must look easy or desperate cos I aint pretty?

anyway, my first thoughts were, gosh he wouldn't want to date me, im hard work, got 3 kids, lots of shit going on with my mental health..... my 2nd thought was oh dear, im not going to reply and now i'll feel awkward everytime his bus pulls up!

im not unhappy being single, I like my home to myself, no man smells, sex pesters, got free time etc but would be lying if I said I didn't feel lonely. however I don't think I have the mental energy to entertain a relationship? don't know if that would change any time soon.

then I got to think of the dc's. my ds's from 1st relationship had to adapt to my 2nd partner (now ex) coming into their lives which they found hard, I don't want to put them through it again?
dd from recent ex I feel like I have to protect more as she attaches herself to people quite easy. also I know it may not be relevant to some - but my step father asked me to take my clothes off when I was in my 20's and it does worry me. im not saying all step fathers are cringy but I cant help to have trust issues.

so, im wondering if I would ever feel like I have enough space in my head to think im worthy of love or to be that some ones 'special'
any one else felt like this?

fireandflames sounds hard.

is there any help you can get for depression, anxiety and phobia?
im currently in therapy for my BPD (again!) It will help at least one of my many issues.

I'm already on antidepressants and I've been referred for counciling. It's been a month and I've heard nothing.

I'm sorry you're having issues too :(.

it took me 2yrs to get the sessions im at right now, still not what I asked for but i'll take any help.

it doesn't bother me that much at the moment as I have so much to deal with, but I do hope I don't feel like this forever - like im not suited to anyone

hope you hear from the health team soon, it does help and can make a difference.

like im not suited to anyone

Yep.

Why would anyone want someone like this when there's so many normal women to love?

Yep.

I have AS. I find doing life really hard. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping it all looking 'normal' on the surface (I think) but then every now an again someone says something that makes me realise I haven't at all. I do an awful lot of 'masking' during the day at work, and then I come home an often just shutdown. Or I get a sensory 'migraine'. Or I lose the ability to speak in sentences or find the right words or I just fall asleep at 7.30pm from the sheer exhaustion of it all. I was going to say that I'm better at managing meltdowns but that's largely because I manage my life and interactions so well that there is nothing to trigger them.

Who worth having would put up with that?

its quite sad reading theres many others who feel the same.

Could you say thank you for your number but I'm not ready for dating? He might just like you as a person from chatting and just wants to chat to you in a different place other than on the bus??

next time I get on his bus I will mention I do have a lot going on. this will probably be my answer for many years.

I must look easy or desperate cos I aint pretty?

^ Sounds like you got a great sense of humour though .

No easy answer here.

But food for thought.