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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

If you've been assaulted how can you prove it was him

52 replies

Gingerbreadlass · 22/03/2017 23:44

Husband assaulted me tonight. I bled on my pillow but he stripped it. He tried to lock me in the house but I managed to squeeze through a window. No neighbour answered my call and didn't want to go into the local pub in my nightgown. I am hesitant to call the police because of SS and what it entails, I'm caught in that middle class fucking hook. What do I do. He now says I have no proof.

OP posts:
GinAndSonic · 23/03/2017 00:12

I think you need to call the police. Please, it will be ok. You need to be safe.

jennieflower · 23/03/2017 00:13

Please call the police to log the incident tonight

Oswin · 23/03/2017 00:15

Please please call the police. You will get the support you need. Please. Xx

Original poster
Gingerbreadlass · 23/03/2017 00:22

He's left and I'm going to bed. My nose is bloodied and my lips are swollen. He's gone and I locked the house. I have taken photos and will seek legal advice. Kids are fast asleep and I am okay now

OP posts:
Original poster
Gingerbreadlass · 23/03/2017 00:23

I just wonder how I can prove his repeated assaults (this wasn't the first time. I don't want this to end up in the Daily Mail either Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Gingerbreadlass · 23/03/2017 00:24

Thank you for your kind messages, at least I'm not as alone as I thought I an

OP posts:
Original poster
Gingerbreadlass · 23/03/2017 00:26

I have my phone and I will be back with another thread for more advice when I have had a sleep. X

OP posts:
jennieflower · 23/03/2017 00:28

Please just take a few minutes to call the police,you said it's not the first time, you do not deserve this and your children don't deserve to grow up in this environment. Of course calling the police will open up a Pandora's box but you need to show that you are doing the best you can to protect them, calling the police now is the first step

Marilynsbigsister · 23/03/2017 00:42

Please don't let him get away with this. You don't need a lawyer you need the police. I'm sure you know the statistics related to dv and throttling. You owe this to yourself and you also have a legal duty of care to do EVERYTHING possible to protect your dcs if there are any there. That includes calling the police if it is possible to do so.
We are all with you holding your hand.

DancingLedge · 23/03/2017 01:00

Gingerbreadlass, my heart goes out to you.
Tonight, he's out.
But if he comes back, next week say, and you have not spoken to the police, you might have a hard legal time keeping him out.

Violence to you is never your fault.
Please protect yourself and your children's future. You have to get this logged with the police.

ferriswheel · 23/03/2017 01:04

Call Women's Aid. They are excellent.

Original poster
Gingerbreadlass · 23/03/2017 01:12

He got mad drunk at a do last Saturday and now says it was me who assaulted him. I can't calll police without a lawyer. It'll be my word against his. Hand on heart I didn't touch him but he's so persuasive, I worry They'll just log it as an " He says, she says" thing

OP posts:
Original poster
Gingerbreadlass · 23/03/2017 01:13

He fell on some pebbles, I am so tired of his lies but I cannot prove a thing.

OP posts:
WyfOfBathe · 23/03/2017 01:36

Call the police. Now.

You don't need to prove that he did it, or that you didn't do something else. The police will deal with all that at a later time. What's important is that you're safe.

Call the police, they're there to protect you.

OnTheRise · 23/03/2017 07:26

Your word is as good as his. Better, because you'll be telling the truth and he won't. Call the police. They are used to people denying that they committed crimes like this, they'll have ways to question you both which should reveal the truth.

I hope you're ok.

Quartz2208 · 23/03/2017 07:31

Oh honey he has got in your head about the proof. The injuries and pictures are proof, the physical evidence is proof. Who else is he going to say did it? He may argue you came at him, where are his injuries even if you did your injuries are proof he overreacted

SS can help you it's only if you wanted him yo stay it would be problematic get it on record

Anniegetyourgun · 23/03/2017 07:38

Falling-on-pebbles injuries are different from beating/throttling injuries. Have you considered seeing the GP about it? You can get your bruises etc examined. Phone pictures could in theory be faked but a professional record is likely to help.

Don't hide this under the carpet. That's how he keeps getting away with it and will eventually do you some permanent harm.

HelenaGWells · 23/03/2017 07:38

Your injuries are consistent with someone being abused, any he has will be consistent with him falling over. Medical staff can tell the difference. He is telling you there is no evidence so you feel powerless. He is threatening to report you so you are too scared to report him.

Please call the police. You can do this and you can be free. Women's aid are also a good place to call.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 23/03/2017 07:41

Your word will be the evidence. Police can see through dv lies. .
What happens if you had been unconscious and your dc had found you?
You owe it to them to get him off the streets ASAP. .

category12 · 23/03/2017 07:42

It would be really helpful if you have police reports actually, for the future. An official record.

If you don't want to go to the police, go to your gp and talk to them.

He's in your head, making you believe you can't convince anyone, but it's not true. And the ss won't get overly involved if you are keeping them safe leaving the relationship.

cowgirlsareforever · 23/03/2017 07:48

Your injuries could be evidence of an assault. Your account of what happened and who the perpetrator was is also evidence.
People believe that you have to have forensic evidence to secure a conviction. I think this is because of the stupid way police procedure is shown in television dramas. Remember that many, many criminal trials are based simply around oral evidence.

Gingernaut · 23/03/2017 07:52

If he wants to make a divorce difficult or custody of the children, accusing him of violence when you've never called for help will be a problem.

He's ensuring that it will be a he said, she said thing by making you think calling the police will be pointless.

Call the police. Make the accusations. Show them your injuries.

So what if he fell over a few days ago?

incogKNEEto · 23/03/2017 07:53

If you don't report him, you will have no evidence to keep him out of the house and he will be able to have access with your DC freely. Also, putting his hands on your neck, throttling you is a red flag for a serious abuser, he might kill you next time.

Please report him for your own and your DC's safety.

MNHQ
LornaMumsnet · 23/03/2017 10:15

Hi, OP

We're so sorry that you're going through this.

When these threads are flagged to us, we like to provide a link to our domestic violence webguide. Please do take a look if you feel you'd like to.

Sending strength from all at MNHQ.

Adora10 · 23/03/2017 13:40

You need to report OP; that is horrendous and with children there, just awful, please do it, you do not need proof, it needs to be documented, he'll probably be back, after all who else would have him, fucken scum.