Hi there, this is my first post and am in need of some advice and collective wisdom! I have been in a relationship with a lovely man for 8 months after being single but dating for several years. Some things had been bothering me and I sent an email to him on Friday. It was to do with my dissatisfaction with our sexual relationship, so not easy to write and I am sure not easy to read! I was molested as a child and think perhaps I passively allow sex that is not always satisfying for me - not always but particularly with this man - he was bullied as a child and his previous partner had been abusive toward him. He had had much counselling and I was his first relationship in 5 years. There were a few problems with him maintaining an erection in the beginning and he was not able to stay erect if I was on top - my favourite position! I find it difficult to orgasm in other positions but he did try in the beginning of our relationship with some success, but I was often left unsatisfyed and frustrated. I had been so concerned about his history that I had negated my own needs - telling myself things would get better as we got to know each other's bodies and as the relationship grew we would be more open and able to talk about it - it never happened. Lately he has only been in pursuit of his own pleasure and this along with controlling the pace of the relationship, when we see each other and not really connecting or me feeling we had real intimacy together. He has also started making snide comments - about what I eat, what I wear and how I spend my time - I'm an artist and he has a proper job (!). I am surrounded by friends in couples - all successful, loving relationships that spend much time together and I spoke to him about wanting more of that. He said he needed space and that the relationship could only go as quickly as he was comfortable - he said his job is stressful and he also has a son that he has part-time - my friends are all artists and have more time I guess. I was respectful of his need to control the pace of the relationship even though at times I found it hurtful and felt he was keeping me at arms length. The last few weeks I had been growing resentful of not having enough time or real intimacy and connection - and the sex was really not great for me (how could he not see that?!). So I feel I have compromised so much of what I need. In the email I wrote to him I tried to explain how being an abuse survivor affects can affect peoplein adult relationships, my coming into my own sexuality over the last couple of years and then how I had been very understanding of his history but felt I had negated my own needs in the process and that me not having an orgasm during sex is not normal or desirable for me. Pretty much a torpedo of an email but I did my best to word it kindly and asked that we could discuss the issue -he was very angry and unable to - I haven't heard from him since Saturday. Sorry this is so long! I would like to find some therapy but cannot afford it (starving artist...) as I do not want to repeat this pattern - I should have spoken up earlier but I think he was being manipulative. I don't know. Is unloving sex abusive? He was certainly in control of all aspects of our relationship. Is this a pattern of abuse survivors? Any advice on where I could seek affordable counselling would be very welcome.