Didn't really know what title to give this.
Anyway one of my children has had a friend she met a nursery/primary and they are still friends now at the same secondary school.
I became friends with the mother. She was in an unhappy marriage and I was fancy free (as much as you can be with 2 DC). I supported her through the divorce and then through a lot of issues with the ex and contact with their DC. I think I was a good friend. I helped in practical ways - housework, shopping, babysitting etc and we socialised a lot.
Over the next couple of years she kept getting upset she couldn't find 'the one'. She went through a few total losers who used her for sex and helped pick up all the pieces every time, trying to rebuild her confidence. Again I was supportive but a bit concerned about some things, like being used by men and the relationship with her DD was a bit off and some concerning comments her DD made to my DD - GP's did most of the childcare while she worked, socialised constantly (more than me) and never had any money but was always out. I did say to her once when she asked me for advice that I thought her DD was feeling a bit left out, (DF wasn't involved at all) and mum was always always out with her friends. I said this kindly and made the effort for us to do more child friendly things together.
Suddenly friend met a man and after 2 weeks he basically moved in. I was shocked and said to her that she should take things slowly due to her DD. She told me directly, in front of a group of people that she knew I would react like this and did not want to hear anything I had to say and that if I couldn't be happy for her then I should just stay out of her life. I got very drunk and emotional that night and felt quite isolated - I didn't know the other people in the group very well and kind of just wanted to go home. I felt uncomfortable and a bit hurt - I was being kind, I said everything kindly as her friend, out of concern. But I suppose I may have looked jealous. I had been single for a lot longer than friend but wasn't looking for the same thing as her anyway.
After this our friendship just nosedived, she was always busy and we just didn't talk again. Then she started posting pointed things on FB about how people who can't support her happiness are just miserable/single/jealous. So I deleted her from FB to avoid any confrontation. I didn't have anything to say that was constructive, not sure this was the right thing to do.
Her DD has not let this drop with my DD. It's driving me mad. This is NOT something the DC should be discussing. It's been 2 years! Ex friend has told her DD that I am 'jealous' so her DD keeps commenting to my DD that I caused this rift and it's not fair. DD's are in the same class, and actually my DD is ok with the friendship apart from this issue. It's so inappropriate! I have explained to my DD that this is inappropriate and that it's complicated, and she has asked friend to drop the subject. But it keeps coming up!
What is the best move here now? After 2 years this just doesn't seem to have died a death on its own. I really don't want to have to talk to the other parent in all honesty. What's done is done. This is not fair on my DD though I feel