Needing to vent

[feelingshittyagain]

So early today I had an argument with my husband and I really need to vent!! As a bit of background we've been on a bit of a roller coaster with our 20 year relationship and currently it's on a peak however he's really grumpy when he's tired, stressed or hungry.

Anyway, the argument started because I hadn't made any dinner (this was at 6pm) and he was hungry!! I normally cook every day of the week (I also work 34 hours and look after the house and teenage kids) and his running 'joke' is that we get take out at the weekend because I can't be bothered to cook on a Saturday (we get take out maybe once a month if that!!). So he looks in the kitchen for food and says 'what's for dinner?' To which I say 'I don't know, why?'. His response was 'I just want some fucking dinner before I go into a diabetic coma (he's not diabetic)'. So I said 'you've been eating all day you won't go into a coma and if you're that hungry you could cook for yourself', he did not like that. He grabbed some ore cooked sausages, slammed the fridge shut and muttered something at me.

I said 'I'm not your fucking slave' to which he replied 'no you're not, they don't get paid!' To which I replied , 'are you implying you pay me?' To which he said 'well...'. Omfg does he think I'm some paid housekeeper or whore?? That's when the argument turned to me only working part time (again), I told him that I pull my weight and that 'I work 34 hours a week and I do everything around the house!' He said 'everything?! Not everything' (he's referring to the fact that I don't dust every week). I said 'yes everything, you just do the odd dishwasher and then say 'look what I've done!''

At this point I got a phone call to pick up one of my teenagers and had to leave, when I got back he'd gone to bed!!!! I'm so mad that he thinks I'm some kind of hired help. On a normal day if we talked about my work he would support me and be fine but when he's tired and hungry he gets really narky about me working 'part time' and I think he feels resentful that I was a stay at home mum for years and that he feels he is still 'supporting' me! Argh, so unreasonable

Think he's being totally rude and acting like a kid. I work p/t 22 hrs and i got so fed up cooking every damn meal that i laid down the law recently and said that DH has to sort the Saturday night meal, either take away, he cooks or meal out. Totally understand how you feel. Maybe he will apologise tomorrow??

Blimey that's a whole new level of hangry.
We I really mean I have the occasional outburst whereby I flip.
TBH though DH usually says stuff like that in a lighthearted jokey way and it's usually me who's taken it too much to heart. I know what he's said has obviously upset you but did he actually mean it maliciously? If I told DH he had really hurt me by what he had sad he would be remorseful about it even if he hadn't meant it in the way I'd taken it and trust me sometimes there is no other way to take it than how I've interpreted it.
Hope you manage to get some decent sleep as going to bed on an argument can be the pits.

Oh he meant it, he was really shouting at me and slamming doors!!

Its not just this argument though. As you say, you've been up and down. Have you done couple counselling?

Although you working full time means he really should not be expecting you to do all that on top.

No, no couples counselling yet but I think we may need it! I'm very open to it but not sure he would be. DD has anxiety issues that she's working through with counselling and he thinks she should go to church instead!!