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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My fiancé walked out and now won't talk!

27 replies

Colly1616 · 16/03/2017 19:58

I've been with my fiancé for two and a half years. Our relationship was amazing or so I thought. A couple of months ago they said to me that they wanted to spend more time together because things didn't feel great for them. So we tried and went away and stuff. I thought we were getting there, I broke my wrist and had to have surgery so wasn't at my best lately. Anyway three weeks ago they said they didn't want to get married and I was so shocked!! Then they said they wanted to try again! It messed with my head. we had a row last week and then walked out saying I didn't really love them. Or accept them for who they are. They had been secretive with their phone lately and staying late at work. I want closure and to find out if they like someone else but they keep cancelling coming around (4 times now) today just half an hour before they were meant to be here. I just hate and don't know what to do? Please help. All advice will be appreciated. #heartbroken

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 16/03/2017 20:02

They are royally taking the piss. Don't dance to their tune any longer & take control. You're the prize. Are you really sure you want them anyway? You've not been together that long, now's the time when cracks will appear.

Original poster
Colly1616 · 16/03/2017 20:51

Up until this point it has been a dream. We love each other's familys, do such loving things for each other. It's just so out of the blue. I really thought I had my life on track finally. But no you are right I don't want them like this, I just want some closure.

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 16/03/2017 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VimFuego101 · 16/03/2017 21:21

Sorry to say it but it sounds like there is someone else on the scene, I would prepare yourself for that possibility. Don't keep hanging on hoping that he'll change his mind, just walk away with your head held high.

NotTheFordType · 16/03/2017 21:27

Is your fiance genderqueer? Otherwise I'm not really seeing the reason for the carefully gender neutral pronouns apart from because fuck you English.

I think you have to accept that your relationship has ended. Maybe your fiance panicked at the thought of that level of committment?

Original poster
Colly1616 · 16/03/2017 21:30

I do agree I know I need to take control and want to do so. I'm just so tired and sad and this is not like her at all. It's like I never knew her. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Colly1616 · 16/03/2017 21:31

We are lesbians and I couldn't be bothered to explain in the story.

OP posts:
Original poster
Colly1616 · 16/03/2017 21:33

This is actually helping, I'm better than this and I know it deep down. Time to show them who's boss. Cheers x

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 16/03/2017 21:42

does it matter why? Really she doesn't want to be married or even in a relationship with you.

While I understand you didn't want to end the relationship, so are looking for a reason for their decision, in order to make it easier for you to move onto feeling the end of the relationship is right for you as well as right for them - the truth is that the fact they don't want to marry you is all the closure you need.

It's over. Stop pushing for an "acceptable" reason.

Starlight2345 · 16/03/2017 21:44

When I read they it usually is same sex couple ..So might as well write it...

Reality is though sounds like she has someone else, but yes showing her who is boss. Take control it will make you feel empowered.

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 21:47

We are lesbians and I couldn't be bothered to explain in the story.

Original poster
Colly1616 · 16/03/2017 21:48

I don't know why I didn't put we are lesbians i just didn't think it was important. Which is not like me actually as I'm super gay lol . She's just changed so much in such a short space of time. I know what I have to do I just needed some external opinions because all day today I've been blaming myself!

OP posts:
mamakena · 16/03/2017 22:12

Thank goodness this came out now. No closure necessary. You dodged a bullet.

Toobloodytired · 16/03/2017 22:16

Don't need to explain yourself to be honest....no one starts a thread saying me & my bf, we are a straight coupleHmm
So I don't see why lesbians have to do it.

I personally just put the genders as it is, if people can't work it out then well, not my problem.

Agree with PP's, sounds like the relationship is over....can't go back from not wanting to get married.

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 22:21

So I don't see why lesbians have to do it.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 17/03/2017 07:07

What Naze and Hecate said.
You decide now...however, deciding to continue with this person would be on a siding to nothing because they have already checked out of the relationship. The going hot/cold is because you are now Plan B when their new Plan A isn't ready/available. Don't put up with that! That has moved from a position of care for you to one of using you. Ouch.

They won't talk to you, so don't talk to them right back; they do not deserve your consideration or attention after this treatment.

Toobloodytired · 17/03/2017 18:43

Agreed however to be fair it didn't matter if we know the gender or not.

velourvoyageur · 17/03/2017 22:03

Lol at people with straight privilege telling gay people off for insulting them in being wary of potential homophobia.

velourvoyageur · 17/03/2017 22:05

OP I'm really sorry but I think it's time to distance yourself from the relationship. Doesn't sound good.

Original poster
Colly1616 · 18/03/2017 19:17

She finally came around. It's definitely over on her part, and despite how she has been I still love her so much. I know it's dumb! I would just do anything to prove to her how much I care! Then I saw on facebook she wrote "I'm too full of life to be half loved" it feels so unfair that's she's playing the victim! Yet despite it all I miss her and I'm beating my self up. Maybe I should have tried harder. Arghhhhh

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 18/03/2017 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 18/03/2017 19:40

Colly you can't make someone want you if they've made their mind up. Like others have said, better you know now. And as for the facebook thing, ignore it. People always have to be super dramatic for attention on there. Delete her lovely cos it won't help looking at that stuff.

Starlight2345 · 18/03/2017 20:00

You learn a lot of people after you separate..

Sorry but putting that on FB is heartless..She obviously wants everyone to feel sorry for her.

I agree with PP block her.. You won't get closure any other way.

honeyroar · 18/03/2017 20:39

What a rotten thing to write on Facebook, it would be tempting to reply, but better to just block and not read it. It doesn't matter whether you're straight or gay, you deserve someone who is honest to you and easy to be with, you don't need all the hot and cold games. Easy to say, I know, but Starlight is right about learning a lot from people when you split up, the rose tinted glasses come off, and sometimes you wonder why the heck you never saw it before.

Original poster
Colly1616 · 18/03/2017 21:53

Thanks everyone that has made me feel loads better, I just read this amazing article about being a narcissist and she totally fits the bill of just turning her feelings off. I'm glad you all think the facebook things is mean I think her mates must think I don't love her. When it's her that doesn't wasn't me. What a wuss!!!

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