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Original poster

Do you regret rejecting anyone romantically in the past?

44 replies

bestbeforetoday · 15/03/2017 13:52

I have just been wondering about this recently. In the past I have both been rejected by men and rejected men myself which I assume is fairly normal.

When I was younger I had a tendency to get hung up on men who had rejected me. I tended to make excuses for these men telling myself that they were just in a bad place at the time or that they were scared of intimacy and so on and admittedly some of these guys were really messed up, I seemed to have a thing for guys who smoked a lot of dope back then even though I didn't myself smoke. The two men who really broke my heart in my twenties are both still single now in their 40s athough they seem to have their lives sorted out now to some degree.

My ego still tells me that these men probably regret passing up on a good thing when they had it but if I am really honest I too rejected some decnet and not so decent men in the past. Some I did not like at all and others I did like but just didn't fancy enough or just wasn't feeling it with so I ended things or rejected their advances. In some cases I feel bad about hurting certain people but I don't regret ending the relationships or just not dating them, not at all.

So through that lens it seems likely that none of these men especially regret rejecting me! In one way its liberating because it allows me to stop wondering what if but its a little hard for my fragile ego to take!

Do any of you regret regecting people in the past or did you reject anyone you really actually liked because of other personal difficulties or do you think men are more likely to make these sorts of mistakes and have these regrets or do they just move on and forget easier than women?

OP posts:

Newtssuitcase · 15/03/2017 20:28

I am very happily married and wouldn't have it any other way but I do regret not kissing a boy I was madly in love with aged 15. He walked me home one night but I felt like he'd only done it because my friends told him to. I was too proud for that. When he tried to kiss me I said no and that I'd walk the rest of the way myself. I'd been besotted with him for a year and carried on being besotted with him for the next three years. He must have thought I was a nut job who didn't know what I wanted.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 15/03/2017 20:30

I do regret not even considering dating my teenage best friend, just because I was quite shallow and didn't find him physically attractive. He was so lovely and kind, and we spent all our time together as teens, but I turned him down unforgiveably rudely when he plucked up the courage to tell me he liked me, by bursting out laughing and making a joke of it. It probably wouldn't have lasted but it would have been kinder to maybe try dating him.

It was really awkward when he went to uni, because I worked at the uni and he used to stand outside my office door staring at me through the glass. Maybe in hindsight I was wise to reject him, but I still feel bad.

Sierra259 · 15/03/2017 20:37

There's one guy I knew through a mutual friend. We had a very brief fling, he never followed it up and I was too proud to try to pursue it. We were just in different places at the time - he was a Kiwi in the UK for a few years not looking for anything long term, I wasn't in a frame of mind to do casual. I think he might have been interested a few months down the line, but by then I'd met someone else (my now DH as it happens). I'm utterly happy with my life now and would never change it, but he's the only one I ever ”what if....?" about.

I have no regrets about any of the guys I've rejected - largely due to massively overthinking things at the time

WallisFrizz · 15/03/2017 20:38

Yep, my ex fiance dumped me for another woman. I was devastated, went out drinking with some friends very soon after, ended up snogging a lovely guy who wanted to see me again. I met him for a couple of dates, he was nice but a little bit geeky, but nothing that would have put me off him if I was in the right frame of mind to meet someone. I slept with him to (in my mind only) get one up on my ex then went cold on him.

He was nice and attractive! Just bad timing for me.

KERALA1 · 15/03/2017 20:42

Another man at work asked me out just before Dh did but didn't fancy him so declined. When he found out Dh couldn't stop laughing and told me I was a hopeless gold digger. He was the only son of stupendously wealthy and old family if you heard the name you'd know it. Ops! Still glad I chose Dh (well usually but not when cleaning the loo etc which I am sure this mans wife never does!)

Shodan · 15/03/2017 20:47

Nope, never.

I have no regrets about either those I dated or those I turned down.

If I turned them down, it was because to me at the time, there was a valid reason, and that's still good enough for me.

Fishandthechips · 15/03/2017 21:00

I've been thinking about this same thing recently. There was a guy that I lived with for two years at uni. He was good looking, we had lots in common but for some reason the thought of actually dating him didn't seem to cross my mind. I found out from mutual friends much later when I was in a relationship that he had had feelings for me all along and I hadn't realised. I really wish he had asked me out. I know that I would have said yes. However there's always the fact that if he had my life would be completely different now and I probably wouldn't have had my lovely son. This is actually more of a case of what might have been but Ive written it out so I'm going to post it anyway.

helhathnofury · 15/03/2017 21:44

Yes I have a right person wrong time guy. Met again recently and he's still bloody gorgeous. Both married with kids now, just not meant to be.

123rd · 15/03/2017 21:50

Odd, isn't it? Had a chap who adored me & I liked him at the time(. He was slightly older than me. ) so guess he wanted a more serious relationship. Thinking about it now, he was too nice for me at the time.
We have, in the recent past few years , met up at random professional events. It was lovely to chat to him. And for about 5 mins I think " what if..." But i guess we split up at the time because things weren't right. And as pp said, I wouldn't have my DC. Wouldn't want to be without them

WokeUpSmeltTheCoffee · 15/03/2017 23:01

I think I must not be as attractive as all you gorgeous mumsnetters as most of my regrets are that men I fancied didn't want me. I haven't done a whole lot of turning down.

One I do regret was the gorgeous French guy I had a ONS with. He offered me his number in the morning and I said 'non' because we could barely communicate due to the language barrier so I couldn't see any future in it. Many times since I have wondered why I thought that was important. Why, oh why didn't I just take his number and booty call him for the hot sex.

Spam88 · 15/03/2017 23:35

No regrets. My husband is amazing and no one else could even come close.

I do regret the way in which I rejected some people though. I had a few good friends who told me they had feelings for me and, whilst I really wasn't interested, I definitely could have been more sensitive...

SuiteHarmony · 15/03/2017 23:47

Post-breakup of my marriage (16 years, four kids), I got attached to two men. I enjoyed their company and had some amazing sex. But they were not right for me. One I think I loved. The other was an old flame. At a younger age, I know I would have yielded and mounded myself to be closer to what they wanted. These days, I am more certain and more confident to move on.

I still miss them though. And the amazing sex. Hey ho.

SuiteHarmony · 15/03/2017 23:48

^^ moulded, not mounded. WTF is mounded, autocorrect?

MercyMyJewels · 15/03/2017 23:51

Yep. Was propositioned by Kiefer Sutherland when I was 22 and I said no. He was gutted

Ok. That's a fantasy and I didn't say no

tinatsarina · 15/03/2017 23:59

There was a guy I met at an underage club in the city im from. I fancied him from the get go. As the night went on we threw a few glances at each other bit never left out friends. At the end of the night he came over, asked the time and i told him!! I was so flustered that he had came over that it didn't occur till after I got home that it was his way off breaking the ice. I'm now happily engaged with a 2 year old but I do often wonder about him.......

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 16/03/2017 00:14

No, I rejected quite a few and was also rejected by quite a few. DH is by far the best. I'm glad I held out TBH.

Gah81 · 16/03/2017 08:07

verywellspoken and fedupandnogin you've both given me food for thought...

Fedup, I used to think the same thing - the lovely guys I didn't have the spark with whereas the butterflies, sex etc. with the slightly dodgy ones was great. Now I'm with a lovely guy where there is a spark - and I'm wondering whether it's because of what verywellspoken has said, whether it's because I value these qualities more several boyfriends on and it has had some impact on what I find (sexually) attractive?

Still don't have any regrets though - I was the way I was, can't force yourself to feel or be something you're not at the time, I think.

An interesting question and thread, OP!

Polichinelle · 16/03/2017 08:10

I kind of regretted for years not making more of an effort with someone. We were at different unis and we simply drew apart. 20 years went by...I got in touch just recently again. Turns out we are both divorced and we are back together. I am very happy for this second chance.

fedupandnogin · 18/03/2017 20:46

Gah81 I do value the qualities. I just feel there's something missing. I'd love to find a lovely man AND have that spark! But a bit afraid of giving up lovely man to have a spark with someone with issues!

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