My instincts are screaming, but nothing has happened yet

[MollyHopps]

What do you do in this situation?

I am someone who is very in tune with my instincts and trust my gut feelings nine times out of ten, but right now I am at a complete loss as to what to do.

I have managed to get myself into a situation with someone I met at a new job I started back in October. He messaged me on facebook and I made polite small talk. Since then he has escalated to messaging me three or four times in a row, about four times a day, regardless of whether or not I reply. All very polite and just being friendly, a little bit flirty which I don't respond to. Nothing sinister.

My alarm bells are deafening. I have made it crystal clear that I am in no way interested in him, yet he continues to send kissy faces and make innuendos. The problem is, to the average reader they would just think he is being kind.

What do you do when your instincts are screaming at you to do something about it, but nothing has actually happened to warrant any action other than blocking and ignoring at work (which I can only do so much of because of our working relationship)?

I really recommend reading The Gift of Fear it is such a good book and really helps to clarify and trust your feelings around why you are uncomfortable.

The advice from the book would be to not contact him again. Having told him finally that you don't want contact every time you engage risks increasing his interest/obsession.

Do tell hr though. And don't forget that safe is more important than nice!

Well, I have an unfortunate update and I will definitely be reporting him now.

Was in bed last night when I got a missed call from a number I didn't recognise. Hung up and they run again so I hung up again. Sent a text to find out who it is and its him.

I replied (I know, I know) to warn him that if it continues I will report him to HR for harassment. I won't see my line manager until next week, but I am going to arrange to go in and see her or one of the other deputy sisters/charge nurses and discuss it with them. At the very least someone at work will know about it until I can report it properly.

Tartle ironically, I have previously read The Gift of Fear, just out of personal interest. I had no idea any of it would ever apply to me. It's so different in practice. I'm going to dig it out and re-read it. No doubt I have made all the wrong moves so far.

Thank you again for all of your advice. I will try my best to keep myself safe. Absolutely dreading my night tomorrow

Another thing to consider is you may not be his only victim. He may be harrassing other women now, he may go on to target other women later. Report him now, not just for yourself but for the sake of all your colleagues.

Tell him you are not interested in him and want no contact apart from strictly work related matters. Do it by email. And inform your line manager.

Creeps like this don't get subtle hints

Sorry OP, just read your update. agree with others- no further contact and tell line manager/hr asap.

It doesn't sound like you've made any wrong moves though of course this stalker type is unlikely to accept your rejection. That he has sourced another phone shows he knows he's blocked and unwanted, yet he persists. Block the new number - guess you save it under a cutesie name like "Hannibal" or something and then send it down the tubes with the other one.

I think previous communications are still there but hidden in the blocking process. Keep doing it with any unknown phone numbers. Are you likely to be contacted by work at odd hours? Might be worth having another phone just for work should that be the case? Or a pager? Might not be necessary if you can keep your cool and just keep zapping him until he is the one to get zapped. Would you consider police advice as well?

Whether or not, get to HR asap as others have said. Take it straight to official complaint level rather than low-key stuff. If he's contracted via an o/side company is it likely he could be relocated by them on receipt of a complaint? I also think it likely he is doing this to others

As soon as he crosses the line, report to HR
If they do fuck all then take for constructive dismissal
Ka ching!

Please ignore this utter crap, OP. The poster doesn't know what they're talking about.

You sound like you have things under control. The man sounds like he needs a serious word from HR as a minimum for massively overstepping the boundary. Take care.

I would also talk to the police now about his behaviours towards you. He may well have stalked other women before now.

How did he get all your details OP?

Also, have you tried googling him, just in case he has form for this sort of thing?

Hope it sorts itself out soon.

Just remembered you said you had to liaise with this stalker at work. Would it be possible, if a porter is needed, to request another or is he the supervising porter? Could you delegate liaising directly with him? Just thoughts on maybe reducing or eliminating opportunities/your availability to him in the immediacy of daily interaction until you've got your complaint in. I don't think you need loads and loads of "evidence" either. What do you think, OP?

Document every interaction that you can. So all those facebook messages, the WattsApp ones (if you can retrieve them), texts, everything. Copy them all into a file, or print them all out. Write a timeline of what's been happening. And then report him to your managers at work (probably HR, but also your direct manager) and tell them he makes you feel threatened, and you need to be protected from him. It's reasonable for them to make sure you're not harassed by him and if that means putting him onto another shift pattern, or sacking him, that's their responsibility.

Tell him once, in writing (so by email or text) that you do not want to hear from him again and do not contact him at all. As soon as he contacts you again, report him again to your management team and this time include the police, too.

Don't underestimate how unpleasant or inappropriate this is. He's stalking you, and that's not allowed.

What a creep. Hope you can get things sorted OP ASAP.

HR don't have 'serious words' they're not the workplace police!
They can advise your and his line manager.
But if he's harassing you outside work, maybe you should contact the actual Police.