What happens in relationship therapy?

[WorkingBee]

Because I think DH and I could do with some

I'm familiar with some aspects of psychotherapy, but I can't imagine how it works when there's two of you, with two perspectives and the context two lives.

So how is it organised? What kind of things do you get asked?

And was it useful for you?

anyone care to share your experiences?

Thanks for this. What kind of questions did she ask and what kind of suggestions for communication (if you don't mind saying)?

I'm kind of wondering if this is something we can sort out by just talking a lot, or if we need an outsider to help.

You realise you're a lot better off on your own. Like, by a fuck ton.

Sorry for jumping on board asking q OP/IsNot, but have a slight vested interest in asking. Did you knowing why he had an affair help you move on at all?

I loved it. He hated it and bailed couldn't handle someone else pointing out his discrepancies.

You realise you're a lot better off on your own. Like, by a fuck ton.
Yup.

Ours was very much focused on understanding each others point of view and working towards breaking negative cycles/habits and understanding why people responded the way they did. It was based on emotional therapy. It's been very good.

Well, my reasons for considering this are not because of an affair (I don't think???) but that we keep doing this kind of cycle thing - we tootle along fine, then (usually when DH is drunk and inhibitions are down) he gets really angry at me for not loving him enough in some way. Then we row, I get upset. Sometime I try to calm him down, try not to make a scene in front of others, try to make him see I do love him and he's misinterpreted something. Then I cool off, get angry, he apologises and we start again.

This has been going on for a couple of years at least now. The periods in between are getting shorter and he's accused me of never having fancied him at all (so not true). I'm sick of it but I don't want to lose him.

I'd like some outside help to see if I am cold/rude/thoughtless/disrespectful. I don't recognise this man. we've been together over 20 years, 3 DCs.

I feel so sad about this.

He hasn't agreed yet.

He hasn't made any noises about splitting. Quite the opposite. He's kind of needy, sometimes suffocating.

Ugh.

Yes, vulnerable is the word. He's really insecure.

I wish I knew wtf was going on.