Moving in together, what would you discuss before?

[Emboo19]

So I'm probably massively overthinking it, but here goes!!

My boyfriend is buying a house, with the plan being that me and dd, will move in with him. We don't currently live together.

We've discussed the financial aspect, bills, mortgage etc! (I think we've covered everything anyway) So I've no real concerns there.
But what else is it good to discuss beforehand? I've asked if he's got any concerns, but he's pretty relaxed and just says we'll see how it goes and deal with it as we go along. I feel like there should be more to it than that, but am I just thinking too much about it?

He's really excited and I am too. I'm also a bit anxious though. I think now he has a completion date, it's all seeming real!!
And I feel like we should have loads of stuff to discuss, but I don't actually know what

You should tell him He should make sensible provision in his will for his dd with you having a life interest if required.

Oh and you should make similar provison for the child you are having together.

We both only have the one dd, together whereatemymarbles sorry if I didn't make that clear. Our wills are sorted, his leaves me as his next of kin and mine is somewhat more complicated, but both him and dd are included.

Sorry my bad. When you said dd was his on your second post I took it that she was from a previous relationship and you were having one together! Hence my comment.

No problem wherearemymarbles I wasn't very clear in my first post that he was her dad. But we've definitely only got the one between us.

Emboo19
He's on dd's birth certificate yes, he won't do more childcare though

• He won't look after his own child? Wow. He sounds great I'd be thinking EXTREMELY hard about having even more with him.

And I'm most definitely not marrying him!!!

• It doesn't have to be all hearts and flowers, but from what I know, the legal protections this gives you and your shared child are worth the registry office fee alone.

Based on those two comments, I'm not clear why you are bothering to consider moving in, or even staying together really. He CBA to care for his own kid and you have no intention of formalising the relationship that provides legal protection to you.

I would say the most important thing to discuss - and the thing most likely to split you up due to unmatched expectations - is sexual exclusivity.

What do you both define as exclusive? Is kissing, flirting, sexting, oral sex, mutual masturbation allowed?Are you okay with each other paying for sex/porn/etc? How are you going to prioritise each other as your primary relationship when you get interested sexually in someone else?

You need to get this sort of stuff sorted out so that he knows how to lie to you that he's not allowed to go to Bunnies, etc.

I meant he wouldn't be doing more childcare than me Shots he works 50/60 hours a week on average and sometimes works away from home. Another poster said if he was doing more childcare and we split he might get custody of dd.

I don't want to marry, he respects that. Nothing directly to do with our relationship.

I don't get what legal protections I'd get anyway though. I have more financial assets than he does, so if his got split 50/50 then surely mine should to and then I'd be much worse off!

I think we've already covered that stuff in the three years we've been together NotTheFordType but thanks

I would suggest a joint account for all bills - including groceries and petrol.

It doesn't matter which of you pays most into it (all him at the moment or an adjusted percentage in due course) but then you know your outgoings are all covered.

Really? So you've literally said to each other "I consider whatsapping a menber of the opposite sex cheating"? and he's agreed? Amazing

I was going to just move in and pay for some bills. Saved money on renting so I could save. I wasn't interested in having a financial stake in the house even though I was paying some bills - but as soon as he mentioned it to the solicitor it got complicated.

The mortgage had to be reapplied for taking in my income, I had to sign to say I had no interest in the house etc.

I'm not sure what that's got to do moving in together NotThe maybe more of a relationship issue in general. But yes we both know, what the other finds acceptable or not, it's pretty standard relationship basics really!!

OP,

You are in an enviable position in that your personal financial situation is secure.

Just go and move in, and take it from there. Life and adjusting to different experiences is a fluid thing.

If you are not concerned about being on the deeds or having an interest in your DPs property that's great.

I really don't know what you are asking us TBH. Is it household duties division or what.

You sound grounded, so I would just move in, and enjoy the experience.

If it doesn't work out you do not seem to need the security of an interest in the DPs property. Great start.

Best of luck, enjoy it all.

Thanks fulloffun I think I'm just stressing myself really. I kept feeling like there should be more to it, I just can't think what to ask him about.
I think the going out, will be our biggest issue to be fair and I'd not really thought about it until someone mentioned it. Living with my parents means we've had on tap babysitting. So last night I'd planned to go to the gym with a friend and he was out at football and went for a few drinks after, it wast a problem as my parents, were in to watch dd. Obviously we won't have that anymore.

I think you're right though, I just need to enjoy the experience!!
I can always go home, if it doesn't work out!