Please bear with me as this may be long.
My sister has two ds? aged 3 and 9 months. When her ds1 was born I suspected that she had mild pnd as she didn?t seem happy or to bond with him that well iyswim. There was something just not quite right which my mum had picked up on as well, but she and her dh assured us she was fine and over time things did seem to improve.
However she seemed to spend hardly any time with her ds. Due to the fact she works full-time he was in nursery 5 days a week, but then on weekends he seemed to spend most of his time at my mum?s so my sister could ?clean/do shopping/make baby food/have a nap?. Now obviously I realize that she may need my mum to look after him sometimes, but this was every weekend without fail, and sometimes Saturday and Sunday with him then spending no time at his own house. She was also quite proud of the fact that her ds generally only ate tea at home once a week as he ate all his meals at nursery during the week and ate at my mums at least once on weekends.
Then my sister fell pg again and throughout the whole pg my mum kept telling me how much help she would need, how hard it was going to be for her etc. But with the arrival of her ds2 things did seem to change quite dramatically. They seemed to spend far more time together as a family, in fact my mum even commented on the fact that they didn?t have ds1 over quite as much. But this did coincide with my sister?s dh being off work on long-term sick leave.
However in the recent couple of months things seem to have gone back to how they were, to the extent that my mum commented to me the other day that they had a Sunday to themselves for once which made a change as my sister is either over with the kids because bil is working, or she has the kids or one of the kids and that my mum and dad seem to never get time to themselves.
It has since transpired that my sister never spends any time on her own with her kids. If bil is working in the evenings my mum goes round to help put them to bed, if bil is working on weekends my sister goes round to my mum?s with the kids, the only time she has the two kids on her own is essentially in the car on her way to/from nursery and to/from my mum?s.
I think she?s not coping at all and I think it?s desperately sad for both her and her kids. Her ds1 has only 1 friend, a little boy he?s been friends with through nursery. He?s not encouraged to have any others, he?s not allowed to go to birthday parties as she doesn?t want to become part of that circuit. She?s even put her ds? name down for the same school as his friend, which is outside of her catchment, because they should be able to stay together as friends and not have to make new ones. She has no other friends with similar aged children to hers. As she works she just drops him off at nursery and picks him up, there are no other opportunities for him to socialize with other children.
They don?t go to parks as she doesn?t approve of the sorts of people who go there.
I think it?s sad but I don?t know what I can do to help, or encourage her even. It?s obviously starting to impact on my parents if they?re so happy about having just one day off, but I know they won?t say anything as they?re obviously happy to be there for her, I know they would do the same for me if the need arose but I think that she?s become far too dependent on them.
If you?ve got this far well done. I just don?t know what to do or say for the best.