another verbal abuse problem

[smallcreep]

I am looking for opinions and advice as I really don't know what is normal any more.In brief,my partner is over 20 years older than me.He constantly derides my actions and opinions and his language towards me is foul.If I wear anything which is not up to my neck Iam 'letting my fing tits hang out' and he tells me I dress like an fing tart.Last year I went back to uni to do a postgrad, and if I wore a skirt he wanted to know who I was dressing up for.He seems almost paranoid when I speak to other men even when he is there, and is constantly accusing me of all sorts of things.please help

How long has this been going on?

Not at all normal!

Control freak, ditch him!

Sorry i agree, i would leave him.

Life is to short - you should only stay with someone if they make you really happy ............

Thanks for your responses!!
It has been happening about 2 years--been together about 3 but it is getting much worse.Is comlicated by the fact we are in business together and I need to raise a fair amount of money fast so he can sign over his part of business to me, otherwise we will have to live and work together for at least another year.

Why on earth would you put up with that for 2 years???

Do you think he loves you?

He thinks he does but in reality I think he is just scared of me not being there.He is a complete Jekyll and Hyde---sometimes apologises next day, most abusive after drinking.My love for hm has been replaced by fear and a deep unease at allowing myself to be treated like this, crossed with a feeling that maybe I am too sensitive because he seems to see his behaviour as normal

He is controlling and controlling men are often very angry as well. These are his issues, not yours and ultimately you are not responsible for him.

I can imagine he was charm personified in the early days wasn't he?. Such angry and dangerous men often are.

Can't you borrow the money from the bank, you really do not want to be beholden to him any longer. Have you talked with your accountant about this situation re the money?. You certainly need good financial advice if you haven't already sought this.

There must be a way out of this situation you find yourself in and you need to find it if you want to walk away with your sanity still intact. Anything is better than the emotional mess you're in now.

Such men can do vast harm to anyone who is unfortunate enough to embark on a relationship with them. You need to get out before he does you any more emotional harm - two years of this must have seen your self esteem and worth go through the floor.

Would suggest you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

This sounds awful - Go to Citizen's advice regarding business issue to see what your options are, but it appears you need to get him out of there ASAP. This is abuse, pure and simple.

He is insecure and a controlling bully.

I can't understand why you are with him.

i think just leave - start another business - just get out - life is too short

In your heart you know his behaviour is wrong. The longer you leave it, the more he will wear away your confidence and self-belief and the harder it will be to leave him. I have had friends in this situation. You are worth way more than this.
x

Thankyou all so much for replying.I went to the bank today and it seems I can afford to pay what he needs with a loan, but he now says he will stay for another 9 months to help in the business so I am not having to pay someone else a wage to do his job, and I won't have to worry about a loan as at the end of the year, all being well, I will be able to pay him. He says he will sign the business over to me in is entirety this week-we are partners at the moment although the lions share of start up costs etc came from me.He says he still loves me and is sorry for being a 'bastard',wants me to go back to sharing a bed with him---which i don't want to.The trouble is, he can be so nice when he is not being abusive ,and then I find myself wavering....

You need to stop wavering - write down all the rubbish behaviours he's given you the last two years and see how long that list is.

Controlling men are often plausible to the outside world - not to their victim though whose lives they make a misery.

He is abusive and you're currently in an abusive controlling relationship. For the sake of your own self you need to get out of this so called relationship asap.

The bank has given you an opportunity to buy him out - you need to seriously consider taking their funds. You cannot let yourself drag this on for another nine months (my guess is he will drag this out even longer than that). His main role in the business I feel is to keep a close eye on you and watch your every move.

You've had two years of his controlling behaviour; goodness alone knows what's he does to your own self esteem and worth. Probably both now are through the floor.

You can recover from this but you need to get him out of your life for good. His apologies also mean nothing because at heart he feels he has done nothing wrong. Such men never change as controlling behaviours are often deeply rooted.

You also could do with reading that book I recommended.