How do I handle this....

[OonaLoona2]

My husband and I have been married less than a year, been together around 10 years, have 4 children.
A few years ago I had a text from an unknown number. It was someone telling me my husband was messaging her inappropriately, flirty and suggestive. I confronted him, he was 'terribly sorry' said it was a blip it would never happen again etc etc. About a year after that I found some messages on his phone. He was talking to another woman. Telling her that I was awful and he would leave me for her in a heartbeat and lots of suggestive messages. i have no idea how he knew either woman. Again on confrontation he was very sorry.
Fast forward to today and I get a facebook message from a woman saying she's really sorry but my husband is messaging her. He starts off by saying 'do I know you from.......' and then goes on to flirty messages like how cute they look in their profile picture and can they be friends, nothing too serious but messages a married man should not be sending. She then goes on to say he sent her the same messages a few months back and it looks like he's just forgotten he's already tried it on with her. She has told him to leave her alone and to send her no more messages. The messages are from last night.
She then messages again to send screenshots from one of her friends and she has the same kind of messages from him too. Neither woman know him. He seems to have randomly picked them on Facebook.
What the actual fuck do I do? He's obviously sending these kind of messages to lots of women isn't he?
I don't know how to handle this situation at all.

Agree with pp who said most women wouldnt tell you so for everybodywho's told you multiply that by 20.
Weird behaviour.

What a creep, his behaviour is verging on criminal - I couldn't be in the same room as him tbh, is feel sick just looking at him

A good dad?

This isn't 'just' a case of flirting gone too far. A good dad is not a sexual predator seeking out and preying on random women, even if he wasn't cheating on a wife in the process.

His lack of respect for you is the least of the issue, he's fucking disgusting, creepy and a high risk to women whom he sees as fair game for his entertainment. How the hell could you ever contemplate staying and subjecting your kids to that sort of role model?

Do you honestly think your situation is unique to you and you are worst placed than all the other millions of women who have left marriages. Of course not!

It's time to switch mindset. Instead of having a 'cant do' mentality, time to gather information and look at what you can do and start doing it.

Oh, and op, you should do what I said about employability and becoming more independent whether you ever intend leaving him or not. Because there is a chance his dragnet approach to chasing women will catch him one, and he may yet follow through by "leaving you in a heartbeat" .

So, you married him when one of these incidents was still in play?

... Telling her that I was awful and he would leave me for her in a heartbeat and lots of suggestive messages. i have no idea how he knew either woman. Again on confrontation he was very sorry.

Ya know what, I can almost picture that. You'd already done the "sunk costs " rationale, and probably were very vulnerable financially, having lived together unmarried buy with babies for (then) 9 years.

You can't divorce now, because

I have received messages like that from several guys on Facebook. Never replied. Just stuff like, 'I love your smile.' My immediate thoughts have been, 'creepy, weird, oddball and sex pest/predator.'

What a creep. If someone was messaging me stuff like that I'd report it to police! How can you live with a man like that ? I'd say your children will be better off living without him as he can't care about them that much. Sorry op but that's what I think

Do not make excuses for him. If normal people aren't getting the basics that they want from a marriage, like a lack of attention, they talk about it & either stay or leave. They do not sexually harass randoms.

His behaviour is abhorrent.

I think you need to see where you would stand if you were to separate.
Get onto CAB and find out what benefits you would be entitled to.
Then look at what maintenance he would have to pay.
See if you could cope.

I've been through something similar recently.
My recent Ex messaged women on FB. At least they were people he knew though.
But one did 'bite' and that was it for me.
But I don't have 4 kids with him.
It's hard but just take your time and think things through for now.
No knee-jerk reactions.
Get any info together you can.
Wage slips, account info, savings info, pensions info, mortgage, equity etc...
You might be much better off than you think right now.
Do your homework then take it from there.

Well I told my husband last night that a woman had messaged me about him and he completely denied it, said she was lying for some unknown reason. He swore on the lives of our children that he hadn't sent anyone any messages.
I showed him the screenshots. He said she was the only one and he couldn't explain why he did and then hastily deleted his Facebook account as 'proof' that he would never do it again and, again swore she was the only one.
I showed him the screenshots of his messages to the other woman's friend. And he just said sorry and went to bed. Didn't speak at all this morning before work and that's it.

I know our marriage is over. There is no trust and I certainly have no respect for him anymore and I really don't like him much either.
I can't just leave. But I am going to gather information I need and set up a separate account to put money into, get myself a job and put myself in a position where I can leave.

They always lie and they ALWAYS swear on the DC lives.
I had proof, a tonne of it, and he was still denying everything.
I never showed my full hand though.
I still have proof for when he comes grovelling back at some point.
I can re-look at it all and remind myself what a creep he is.

You are doing absolutely the right thing getting your info together and some money put aside.
Good luck job hunting.
You are sounding strong and I've no doubt you will be fine.
Get a friend to support you through this.
One you trust and who won't judge you should you decide to stay.

Ugh. He is absolutely grotesque. He is basically doing the equivalent of cold calling - messaging probably 100's of woman in the hope that one of them take the bait. And it will be 100's I expect, as I can't imagine more than one in 20 or 30 would decide to contact you to tell you and thus far you already know of 3 or 4. Playing the numbers game. And you heard it from the horses mouth too: he'd leave you in a heartbeat if one of them would have him...

He's already left you really love, in all but name. He stays with you to reap the benefits of a wife who washes his clothes and makes his tea but he's almost desperately searching for an affair that will take him away from his mundane life and leave you to pick up his slack. He actually thinks he's entitled to another woman and will stalk them down until one caves (how romantic)...

He is nothing but a disgusting sexual predator, a stalker and a user. I could never let him touch me again. So sorry you are going through this but you need to bin this creep so fast it leaves wandering eyes spinning in the back of his head. You are worth so much more...

See a solicitor for a free half hour and find out what you're entitled to regarding the children/benefits/the house/etc - as a SAHM who's been married a while, you may have more rights than you think. Look for work, even if only part time and then ask him to leave. Don't listen to any sob stories or apologies from him - they're all for HIMSELF, so that he doesn't lose his creature comforts whilst he searches for his perfect escape. Yuk. He will never change. He's shown you what he thinks of you and your marriage and it's nothing but contempt. If he wants one of these girls so badly then he can harass them online from his bedsit can't he?! Good luck...

So he swore on his children's lives that the woman was lying.
This proves that you cannot believe a word he says.
Well done for deciding not to tolerate any more of this crap.
Look after yourself op you are doing the right thing.

Good on you, OP. You can do this.