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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is anybody elses dp/dh as big a tosser as mine??

17 replies

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 19:59

ok he walked out of his job two weeks ago, he worked five nights a week and couldn't stand anymore so he walked one night. However since then he has done bugger all goes to bed when he wants, gets up when he wants,does nothing around the house and when I ask him to do anything, I get a load of huffiness and grief.

We are drowning under a tide of debt, its got as far as the bailiffs being threatened yet as everything is in my name, he dosent care and even said to night that it would be my stuff they would take first!! He is completely uninterested in trying to get another job, and I am trying to get some benefits sorted like income support and housing benefit and he isn't interested in this either.

I've got two kids, he has 2 dd's from a previous relationship and I'm also 30 weeks pg.

Really really pissed off and down. I got one of those glucose intolerance test tomorrows and he will probably be too idle to get up and come with me so looks like I will be going on my own again.

I'm anaemic and I got varicose veins in my fanjo and they bloody hurt all the time.

I really just don't think he cares

OP posts:

Beauregard · 04/03/2007 20:03

Could he be depressed?
No excuse for treating you like that but just a thought.
I sympathise with your varicose veins i had those when was pregnant with dd2 and they are really painful.

charliecat · 04/03/2007 20:04

Hmm, he sounds depressed, or irresponsible, or just a complete tosser. Are you ok as ok can be?
Learn from this, get some of the debt in his name in future, then he might give a shit.
The benefits going to have to go in his name too itst it? Will you be entitled to anything if hes walked out of a job?
I would have thought he would have had to go to the job centre and sign on for the lot of you.
I have a dp, who is a nightmare sometimes, but hes always worked and paid the rent.

wanderingstar · 04/03/2007 20:05

Sheep he needs a kick up the wotsit. After your tests, is it possible for you to stay with family for a few days, at least for a break, then you may feel stronger about tackling him on these issues on your return ? How old is he ? Sounds v. immature and nasty to be behaving like that.

Original poster

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 20:06

I think there is something wrong and I know what it is.. stuff to do with his mum, that rears its ugly head from time to time.

He just takes it out on me

Varicose veins down there really hurt don't they.. I can barely walk some days.

OP posts:

wanderingstar · 04/03/2007 20:09

Every sympathy with the veins Sheep; I had them too...what's the issue with his mum btw ?

Original poster

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 20:09

can't stay with family, don't have any except my parents and they are less than sympathetic. Agree that he needs a kick up the arse but don't know how.. he's got quite a nasty temper, although not towards me or the kids.

He can't get jobseekers yet I don't think as he walked out of a job.. someonne correct me if I'm wrong.

Next time some of the debt will go in his name.. but he's got a ccj though.. we did try a while ago

OP posts:

Original poster

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 20:11

can't say too much online really because it could rip his entire family apart. It's to do with his true parentage.. She also blanked his two dd's when they were born.. they haven'tt spken for 5 years.. its very complicated and very nasty.. he had an awful childhood

OP posts:

Aloveheart · 04/03/2007 20:12

Sounds depressed. Silly question but have you told him how you feel? Can you get him to the doctor? Or maybe he's a useless bugger who needs a kick up the arse. I do hope you can sort something out and i hope he comes to his senses too. I know what debt problems are like so know exactly how you feel in away.

Original poster

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 20:12

he's 26 btw

OP posts:

fransmom · 04/03/2007 20:14

i can sympathise with the bit about the bailiffs sheep, not a nice thing to go through when you are pg we went to the citizens advice bureau and they were really helpful, even advised us how to deal with the bailiffs which was standard advice (i.e., don't let them in) and then some - so pretty good really. please bo and see them, they usually have a drop in clinic first down here, then they book you in to see someone who is better placed to help you.

good luck sheep, i'm rooting for you x

Aloveheart · 04/03/2007 20:14

I don't mean to make matters worse but if he's walked from a job then they jobcentre might get abit funny seeing as though he was sacked. hope you can or he can sort things.

Aloveheart · 04/03/2007 20:15

what i meant was he wasn't sacked.

Original poster

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 20:27

I think your right aloveheart i'm sure dp can't claim jobseekers as he walked out.

Fransmom I think they got a drop in centre down here too and its meant to be really good. going to see one this week I think.. may as well do it all on my own.. can't expect tw*t to come with me

Whats also overwhelming me is all the evidence you got to give to support your claim. ie bank statements. I binned all mine

OP posts:

twelveyeargap · 04/03/2007 20:27

Poor you Sheepgomeep. It is possible that he's depressed and can't motivate himself.

I don't know if it will be enough to shock him into action but he does need to be told that he's going to take his entire family down with him unless he either gets his act together or gets help.

I really, really feel for you. x

Original poster

sheepgomeep · 04/03/2007 20:40

thank you twelve year gap x.

I think he is depressed too and he has been depressed on and off for years. The last time he got like this he did something really stupid at his previous job and got the sack.

He knows he gets depressed and it's always over the same thing.. his mother.. his family.. not one of the weirdos sent a card last week for his birthday, they only live 3 miles away for ffs. There was abuse in his family and dp was the result of it. I really can't say anymore than that.Well we think anyway.. strong evidence to suggest the case.

Its messed him up and he has tried for help.. anger management and psychiatric help but the most help he was able to get was first access and they were awful. Mental health provision in our district is terrible

OP posts:

fransmom · 04/03/2007 20:42

explain all that when you go to cab sheep, they might be able to help you get round that or they might be able to talk to the bank to get copies for you, i'm not sure how much bank charges are for those. do this for yourself sweetheart and boy will you feel good when it comes right. it might be hard for a while, esp at 30wks but you need to get the ball rolling now. explain everything to cab and they will try and see you right

twelveyeargap · 04/03/2007 21:14

How awful for him to have to deal with that, SGM. And for you too. It's really hard being with someone who is depressed because there is so little you can actively do to help them. It's both frustrating and sad. And this is a time where you should be the one getting support, not giving it.

It would be fantastic if he would talk to a GP or some sort of support group. I know it's hard with most men though. I think they often find emotional problems harder to deal with than women.

I agree that you should speak to the CAB. They might be able to point you in the direction of one of the (free) debt management schemes so that you don't have the constant nagging worry of creditors at your door.

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