Just threw wine up the wall

[badpersonnow]

I'm a bad person.

I just flipped and threw a glass of wine at DP. Not the glass just the contents. It went up the wall.

He was saying he wanted 'specific examples' of where I've felt victimised at work. I've been bullied my entire life, felt victimised and looked down on. An attitude, a look, a tone of voice, an instruction. So much. I know from other people saying 'you were really badly bullied' that it isn't in my head so quite often I get 'the feeling' and I have done at work recently and DP wanted 'specific examples' which are really hard to give when it's a feeling, an awareness etc etc.

All I'm thinking of now is smashing the glass off the wall and stabbing it into my stomach. Don't know why, attention, desperation, self loathing

If you're being bullied at work you need to talk to your manager or Human Resources department, and start following their grievance procedure if it can't be resolved.

Unfortunately one of the first things they'll ask you is for examples, or to keep a diary, and it's good advice. Even a look or an eye roll can be bullying, as undermining.

Just because you've experienced bullying before doesn't mean you've got to roll over and take it.

Do you think your bf might have been trying to help you with this, or frustrated that you're complaining to him but not actually doing anything about it, or suggesting you're paranoid/over-reacting?

Either way I'm sure he'll understand that throwing the wine was borne out of frustration; being bullied at work is soul destroying.

It was obviously not the right way to deal with conflict and if a woman posted here that her bf had thrown a drink at her after a bad day at work she would probably be told to ltb, but if it's uncharacteristic then I'm sure he'll understand.

Obviously hurting yourself won't solve anything and my first thought is that you need to talk to a professional if those feelings are common or persist, but I don't feel qualified to talk about that really, perhaps someone else will be along to offer advice soon.

I was bullied at work for years so understand your desperation. The specific examples thing can be difficult because so much of it is down at a low level - little snubs, tone of voice etc. You maybe felt like your partner didn't believe you when he was just trying to understand. Obviously lashing out isn't good but I remember feeling incredibly desperate - so try not to be so hard on yourself.

I actually went to my GP as the bullying had re triggered my depression and was referred for CBT. It was so helpful - partly because I had someone to offload to and partly because she helped me change my thought processes to be able to manage the situation more. I quit my job and never looked back. Could you look into counselling? If you can't get referred you could find a low closet counsellor in your area.

Re the bullying, do you think it would help to keep a diary of things that happen? This way you would have examples to hand for when you chat about it with your partner and also if you want to speak to HR about it (I appreciate that might be difficult!)

Be kind to yourself OP - I've been there and it's bloody tough.

Thank you so much for your kind and understanding responses. I'll start keeping a diary. I know I need examples it's just so hard to explain a feeling etc - as I say above. I know my reaction was ridiculous and I'm ashamed. Thankfully bf is patient and understanding. Thanks again ladies you're angels

Do you know why you are being/have been bullied? I just think getting a sense of what the reasons might be might help in the future ... Is it because you're quite a gentle person, or sensitive person? Perhaps a bit "different"? I think its important to try and understand how we "fit in" or "don't fit in" for example. We have to recognise our strengths. We also have to recognise areas of what will be seen by others as perceived 'weakness'. For example, not having the confidence of others perhaps, at least in the obvious sense or not being 'clubbable'. Being naturally (or trained to be) nice. Or being different or talented or whatever - sometimes which make people jealous of us.

White or red?

I think throwing wine up the wall (did it once myself!) shows that you are capable of standing up for yourself if needs be.

bad I just wanted to let you know that just because you have been bullied a lot it does not mean you deserve to be or have to be any more. People are crossing your boundaries because they feel they can. See if you can figure out why they feel able to get away with this behaviour.

You got the rage with your dh because you did not feel 'heard' or validated, which is guaranteed to cause a person extreme frustration when they need support.

I think the key to all of this is, you need to believe you are worthy of respect both at work and at home. Believe it and live like you believe it! Be really kind towards yourself as you would another person who you respected and liked.

In your shoes now I would apologise to your husband but let him know your frustration arose because you felt he wasn't 'getting' you so you flipped out, see if you can make him understand what you need from him in order to feel supported. This will give you more confidence to deal with things at work in a healthy and assertive way.

I wish you luck at work and I hope your next shift is a better one.