No contact, take 2

[Outedlasttimenamechangeagain]

I told my ex a couple of weeks ago that I ever want to speak to him again.

It hurt and I have never felt pain like it, he didn't chase me or fight for me, he didn't want me. I was devastated.

So I went crawling back, I messaged him and he messaged back. I told him I wish he would fight for me, he told me he didn't know how, I reminded him this was the problem, he doesn't know me.

He is emotionally abusive and controlling, he cheated on me. I can expand on that, but that's for another thread.

We have spent today arguing over the other woman, so I called him tonight and told him I can't do this anymore and I can't be in his life while the other woman is (I know). We argued but before this he told me he's scared he's going to kill himself.

I wanted a peaceful exit, instead I feel guilty and terrified he will kill himself. What if he does? He has tried in the past. How will I live with myself? I know that's a selfish thought but how will I? I know this is part of the abuser script, but he said it before we were arguing and he knew my thoughts. I'm so scared he'll do it,

Please don't tell me that he's just following a script, I'm scared for the man I love and I know he won't text or call me to tell me he's about to do it, he will just do it. He does suffer from depression. Someone help please.

Stop playing games telling him to fight for you. If theres another woman he is not going to fight for you. He knows you will ask for him back so he doesnt need to come to you first.

He wont kill himself. He is playing you.

Honey as hard as it is you need to move on
[Flowers]

I know he's not going to fight for me, I think saying that helped me accept it.

He said the thing about killing himself at the beginning of the conversation though, before he could have known what I'd say.

I do need to move on, you're right.

I couldn't switch off my concern for him today so I text him and told him that although I am walking away and I won't be messaging him again, if he ever feels like he will harm himself he can call me at any time because I do still care.

The thought of him actually doing it was just too strong I don't regret texting him, it was the right thing to do.