Should I contact him?

[LucyLampLady]

OK - so here I am, happily married for 19 years, 3 lovely kids, and having a long overdue clearout. I come across a few pictures of my first love - everyone has one - and it sets me wondering what he's up to now. I know he isn't on Friends Reunited as I've already checked out all my friends on there - who hasn't? - and therefore assumed he wasn't interested in hearing from former schoolfriends. But something prompts me to Google him ... and there he is, grinning out at me from his company website, having found great success on the other side of the Atlantic! However, the only information provided is professional - I've no idea if MFL is married or has kids. There is a work e-mail address provided, but something stops me from sending the "hi, how are you" message - after all, I haven't seen him since 23 years ago when we arranged to meet for a brief chat in London. Even that was about four years after the relationship ended (amicably but with some wistfulness on my part), we had kept in touch until then and planned to continue to do so. However after that last meeting my life changed completely, I met my husband later that year and I don't know where the time has gone since. I wouldn't want MFL to think I was trying to "start" something up, I simply want to catch up with his news. However, we are both different people now and I don't know how he would take such an approach after all these years.
I call upon your wisdom, ladies. Any ideas?

Are you planning to tell your dh what you want to do? If you intend to be completely open to your dh I would say go for it, but if it is something you are going to do in secret, then I think you are not being completely honest with yourself about your motivation. How would you feel if your dh did the same?

oops - repeating what others have said - shoulda read all the posts, sorry! You say your dh is not the type to contact old flames, but what if he was, in secret? How would that make you feel?

Mabel, thanks for your reply and I understand what you are saying. The thing is, I've tracked down old friends in the past and haven't mentioned anything to DH simply because I didn't think he would be interested as he didn't know the person concerned. In fact I suspect he thinks I'm a bit daft but that's another issue. For that reason, I wouldn't necessarily be doing it "in secret" as such, I just don't want to make a big thing of it. If it were someone we both knew, on the other hand, I'd certainly tell him that I'd heard from so-and-so who we were at college with and is now doing xyz. I suppose this is a different case, however - which is why I posted the question in the first place! I think the answer to your question is that, if DH did contact someone like that in secret, then it would definitely mean that something was going on as it's not the sort of thing he normally does. On the other hand, if I were to do it, then it wouldn't. Sorry if that's confusing, but I can't think of a simpler way of putting it.
LLL

Hi sorry to but in on your conversation but how do you google someone? what is the website please? I am desperate to find an old school friend. X

www.google.co.uk

Just type the name in the search engine and see what comes up. Could be interesting to google yourself!
I just googled my first love! He has the same name as a famous footballer but he is also famous in his own field as a scientist in Australia.

Fontofallknowledge - yes, googling yourself is interesting. Under my maiden name I'm a successful glamour model. Under my married name I'm a lady vicar!!!!

I am nothing as interesting. My maiden namesake is an equal ops officer at the other end of the country. Under my married name I have one entry for a race I ran a while ago!
My first love however has his own entry with a photo - he hasn't changed a bit in 30 years! Having said that I am not in the least tempted to contact him. It's nice to have the good memories but that's where they should stay IMO, as memories. Have you decided what to do yet?

Fontofallknowledge - not yet decided, still thinking. I'm still toying with the idea of contacting a mutual friend I've managed to trace (Google again!) - someone who was a really good, supportive friend to both of us at the time, but who I also lost touch with several years after splitting with MFL. He (the friend) has set up a brilliant website and blog, and after years of building up a successful career has only just become a father for the first time. (And a very involved one at that, acknowledging that being a parent is the most difficult job he's ever done!) Whilst it seems a bit shallow to contact him just to find out about MFL, I genuinely would like to congratulate him on his good news. I've no idea whether he is still in touch with MFL, if he is I'm sure he'll tell me about him. Either way, it would be nice to hear from this particular friend again.
Anyway, if I do anything at all, even if it's to bury the whole thing and do nothing, I'll be sure to let you all know!

Leave him as a happy memorie