With the concept of marriage imploding is RA the way to go.

[noego]

It seems to me in this modern world that the concept of marriage is imploding in its pre-conceived way. I know in my case that the concept of marriage has long gone.
So as an alternative to the pre-conceived idea's on relationships, is RA (Relationship Anarchy) and CNM (Consensual Non Monogamy) a concept that can be adopted. I know that as I practice this type of lifestyle and have conversations about it with friends around this chosen lifestyle they become more interested in it as a concept. Just wondering as to how many MN'ers have view on it.
Please research RA before commenting.

[picklemepopcorn]

Losing the will to live...

[SenseiWoo]

This thread is like listening to a tutorial led by a 'desperately wants to be seen as cool and get to shag undergrads' lecturer whose schtick keeps being derailed by the clever and not very deferential tutorial group.

Relationship anarchy doesn't sound very practical. I certainly wouldn't have time for it. 'I'll be home late, I'm shagging Michael tonight'. "But it's Parent's Evening!" 'Oh, sod it. I can't do Tuesday, that's when Michael sees Robert. Wednesday?' "You always do this. It's my motorbike maintenance course on Wednesdays".

And on and on until everyone with children plumps for monogamy, celibacy or dogging on the third Saturday of the month.

[Huskylover1]

RA : A stupid set of rules, written by men who want to shag about, and accepted by women who have zero self esteem and want to play "cool"

The End.

[greenthings]

and laughing, esp Sensei

[Kr1stina]

I'd be interested to know How poly people cope with all the non sexual aspect of their multiple relationships .

You know, like housework, taking MIL to her podiatrists appointment , remembering to buy a gift for nieces 18th, going to family funerals and other people's tedious work functions and taking the day off work to accompany your partner to a chemotherapy appointment or to have the cat PTS?

How does that kind of abundant love and respect work ? How do you go about cherishing your relationship with A when they are ill and you have a date with person B and person C needs you to after their kids while they go to visit their mum in hospital ?

[ClaryIsTheBest]

Relationship anarchy...?

Hm... I personally think that my marriage needs rules. Maybe not the ones other people have. But there's no way I'll consent to living in anything called an anarchy.

We have a daughter, are expecting a second child and have certain shared financial commitments (I hope that sentence makes sense in English...).

When we got married we signed a contract. And we swore that our union and the wellbeing of the people in this union would be our priority.

Would this allow us to have intercouse with other people? I guess. As long as it wouldn't have a negative impact on our vows.
Which seems slightly unlikely. And a romantic relationship with a 3rd person? That would most likely do so.

Then there are issues of STDs, possibily accidentally impregnating or getting impregnated by one of these other people... Things that would have a very negative impact imo on our family.


I'm unsure why you want to have this conversation in French, OP? I mean, if you really insist? But it seems very rude to start posting in French on an English speaking (writing) forum.


And anyhow. Our LO is a screaming champion (especially at night. Primarily at night, actually... If you're out and about she's happy, mellow and positively angelic). So, I certainly have other priorities. (SLEEP!)

[SenseiWoo]

If you sign up to Relationship Anarchy, who does the chores?
Genuine question.

[Semaphorically]

The magic chore fairies, Sensei! Obviously

[Kr1stina]

And do the fairies also take MIL to her podiatrist appointment and accompany her to family funerals? Because that's an important part of love and respect, cherishing the person and your connection with them, respecting their boundaries and personal beliefs and being honest , responsible and ethical .

Like the OP says up thread .

I'd love to know how this all works out in practice.

[HilairHilair]

I rather suspect noego that you in fact have a rather considerable ego (larger than your penis?). I also suspect you're a man towards the older end of middle-age, and want to have relationships without responsibility. As others have said, go shagging around. Well, do that, but don't pretend you're doing anything special.

When small dependent children are in the picture, I'm not sure that "relationship anarchy" quite works. Sometimes couple have to grit their teeth and just get through that time.

Or mostly, as we read in this section of MN, the men decide they can't take the responsibility, and they just walk out.

As Kr1stina asks:

You know, like housework, taking MIL to her podiatrists appointment , remembering to buy a gift for nieces 18th, going to family funerals and other people's tedious work functions and taking the day off work to accompany your partner to a chemotherapy appointment or to have the cat PTS?

and as Wannabe comments:

I find it interesting that we never hear from the children of these relationships. Where they have grown up safe in the knowledge that mummy and daddy have lots of different uncles and aunties who come to stay or who they go and stay with, and everyone loves everyone and no relationships are sacred

[HilairHilair]

it's about designing your "own" commitments with people around you

So can I design a commitment to that handsome chap I can see over there? Or will he rightly tell a rather wild-eyed middle-aged woman to keep her hands to herself?

[oneohfivethreeeight]

Sorry, not really interested.