With the concept of marriage imploding is RA the way to go.

[noego]

It seems to me in this modern world that the concept of marriage is imploding in its pre-conceived way. I know in my case that the concept of marriage has long gone.
So as an alternative to the pre-conceived idea's on relationships, is RA (Relationship Anarchy) and CNM (Consensual Non Monogamy) a concept that can be adopted. I know that as I practice this type of lifestyle and have conversations about it with friends around this chosen lifestyle they become more interested in it as a concept. Just wondering as to how many MN'ers have view on it.
Please research RA before commenting.

[oneohfivethreeeight]

Sorry, not really interested.

[HilairHilair]

it's about designing your "own" commitments with people around you

So can I design a commitment to that handsome chap I can see over there? Or will he rightly tell a rather wild-eyed middle-aged woman to keep her hands to herself?

[HilairHilair]

I rather suspect noego that you in fact have a rather considerable ego (larger than your penis?). I also suspect you're a man towards the older end of middle-age, and want to have relationships without responsibility. As others have said, go shagging around. Well, do that, but don't pretend you're doing anything special.

When small dependent children are in the picture, I'm not sure that "relationship anarchy" quite works. Sometimes couple have to grit their teeth and just get through that time.

Or mostly, as we read in this section of MN, the men decide they can't take the responsibility, and they just walk out.

As Kr1stina asks:

You know, like housework, taking MIL to her podiatrists appointment , remembering to buy a gift for nieces 18th, going to family funerals and other people's tedious work functions and taking the day off work to accompany your partner to a chemotherapy appointment or to have the cat PTS?

and as Wannabe comments:

I find it interesting that we never hear from the children of these relationships. Where they have grown up safe in the knowledge that mummy and daddy have lots of different uncles and aunties who come to stay or who they go and stay with, and everyone loves everyone and no relationships are sacred

[Kr1stina]

And do the fairies also take MIL to her podiatrist appointment and accompany her to family funerals? Because that's an important part of love and respect, cherishing the person and your connection with them, respecting their boundaries and personal beliefs and being honest , responsible and ethical .

Like the OP says up thread .

I'd love to know how this all works out in practice.

[Semaphorically]

The magic chore fairies, Sensei! Obviously

[SenseiWoo]

If you sign up to Relationship Anarchy, who does the chores?
Genuine question.

[ClaryIsTheBest]

Relationship anarchy...?

Hm... I personally think that my marriage needs rules. Maybe not the ones other people have. But there's no way I'll consent to living in anything called an anarchy.

We have a daughter, are expecting a second child and have certain shared financial commitments (I hope that sentence makes sense in English...).

When we got married we signed a contract. And we swore that our union and the wellbeing of the people in this union would be our priority.

Would this allow us to have intercouse with other people? I guess. As long as it wouldn't have a negative impact on our vows.
Which seems slightly unlikely. And a romantic relationship with a 3rd person? That would most likely do so.

Then there are issues of STDs, possibily accidentally impregnating or getting impregnated by one of these other people... Things that would have a very negative impact imo on our family.


I'm unsure why you want to have this conversation in French, OP? I mean, if you really insist? But it seems very rude to start posting in French on an English speaking (writing) forum.


And anyhow. Our LO is a screaming champion (especially at night. Primarily at night, actually... If you're out and about she's happy, mellow and positively angelic). So, I certainly have other priorities. (SLEEP!)

[Kr1stina]

I'd be interested to know How poly people cope with all the non sexual aspect of their multiple relationships .

You know, like housework, taking MIL to her podiatrists appointment , remembering to buy a gift for nieces 18th, going to family funerals and other people's tedious work functions and taking the day off work to accompany your partner to a chemotherapy appointment or to have the cat PTS?

How does that kind of abundant love and respect work ? How do you go about cherishing your relationship with A when they are ill and you have a date with person B and person C needs you to after their kids while they go to visit their mum in hospital ?

[greenthings]

and laughing, esp Sensei

[Huskylover1]

RA : A stupid set of rules, written by men who want to shag about, and accepted by women who have zero self esteem and want to play "cool"

The End.

[SenseiWoo]

This thread is like listening to a tutorial led by a 'desperately wants to be seen as cool and get to shag undergrads' lecturer whose schtick keeps being derailed by the clever and not very deferential tutorial group.

Relationship anarchy doesn't sound very practical. I certainly wouldn't have time for it. 'I'll be home late, I'm shagging Michael tonight'. "But it's Parent's Evening!" 'Oh, sod it. I can't do Tuesday, that's when Michael sees Robert. Wednesday?' "You always do this. It's my motorbike maintenance course on Wednesdays".

And on and on until everyone with children plumps for monogamy, celibacy or dogging on the third Saturday of the month.

[picklemepopcorn]

Losing the will to live...

[Bitchycocktailwaitress]

OP are you a man or a woman?

DH just told me he thinks this is all bullshit so men can shag around.

[Annesmyth123]

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory Wikipedia. "Intimate relationships" which Wikipedia categorises as Including sexual activity en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_relationship

Want me to paste the walls of text or will the links suffice ?

[Annesmyth123]

See "how many partners one wishes to be involved with" is that not just a euphemism for as many folk as you want to shag?

Otherwise, what does the "partner" bit mean? Otherwise it's just being sociable and having lots of mates (which I do) not polyamory?

[Semaphorically]

Oh come on, of course polyamory is about shagging lots of different people.

I love many people that I do not shag nor wish to shag, as we all know that love comes in many forms not only sexual. I am not polyamorous as a result. I struggle to think of why someone would describe themselves as polyamorous unless sex with more than one other person was involved.

Do not hide behind words.

[Annesmyth123]

Do you want a medal for cut and pasting or something? That's all balls when it comes to the practicalities of relationships in the real world (see my evidence above)

Or are you just going to keep cut and pasting walls of text?

[noego]

Polyamory n : is the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical
philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory
emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved
with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person
at a time. Polyamory is from the root words Poly (meaning “many”) and Amour
(meaning “love”); hence “many loves” or Polyamory.

Polyamorous Definition? The first thing to understand is that anyone who is Polyamorous is not just interested in having sex with lots of different people. This is generally a common mis-conception and generally misunderstood by the public.

To be polyamorous simply means that you are not monogamous in your relationships. However, poly people and their lovers will generally have many relationships and believe you can love and have meaningful relationships with more than just one person. Many believe that monogomy is not natural for them and could lead people to be unhappy and even cheat in the long term. That simply is how the polyamorous definition is properly explained. Polyamoruous people practice Polyamory (see dictionary meaning above) and are also known as Poly people.

[Annesmyth123]

Surely if you have to have rules at all it isn't anarchy.

[GnomeDePlume]

You claim to be listening but you dont seem to be discussing.

Here are some questions for you:

In a polyamorous arrangement who gets to set the rules? What happens if one person within this arrangement wants those rules to change? Do they have to leave the arrangement?

If that is the case is this in fact an anarchy at all?

[noego]

If the views expressed are intelligent and thoughtful, whether they differ from mine or not then I am listening.
If the views are a personal attack then I am not listening.

[Kr1stina]

And this about privilege

blog.shrub.com/check-my-what/#comment-639

Please read and research before commenting, I only want serious intelligent conversation.

[Kr1stina]

If so, you might find this article helpful

jezebel.com/5943051/five-tips-for-the-mansplainers-in-your-life

[Kr1stina]

OP You are very bossy and won't listen to others point of view.

Would I be correct in assuming that you are a man ?

[PatriciaHolm]

Warwick has basically just said it for me ;-)

You aren't radically reinventing anything. It's how you want to live you life, people have done it before, but most people don't want to. Giving it a new name doesn't make it a new world changing concept.