I feel quite isolated. I am in an area where I did not grow up. My parents moved away from where I grew up when I was pregnant with my first child and I decided to move closer to my husbands family as mine were all over the place. My husband often snaps at me, if I try to discuss how it makes me feel its like he holds up a mirror and often just states what I have said back at me. He says I am horrible sometimes. I know I am not an angel but I try to do things and organise nice things for us. He has never been an emotional person but I am finding his lack of enthusiasm sometimes trying. I have asked if he is depressed, he says not. I feel sometimes like so 'out there'. I try so hard to make friends in a city which is a long way from where I called home. I wanted to move closer to home but he didn't really want to hence one of the reasons we are here. I enjoy working but sometimes I feel like I have to make such an effort with people to make friends etc as I do not have any childhood friends here like my husband does. I am jealous, I feel he is so lucky to have friends nearby who he grew up with. He makes little effort to see them wheras I have tried to keep in contact with my 200 mile away friends where possible and I know if I lived nearer I would see them more. I guess what I am trying to say is, although I know its not, I feel sometimes like it is a smack on the mouth when he makes little effort with his friends and I can't see mine as easily as they are so far away but would like to.
Will things ever get easier for me in this new area. I grew up fairly far away from any close family and I feel that living where we do is good for the kids as they have supportive extended family, however I am struggling to be happy as I feel that my home is elsewhere.
Some of the things my husband says to me make me feel too like I am a horrible person. I try to be engaging, to be a good wife, but sometimes it is hard when I feel often undermined. He says I undermine him and I am so confused. Do I undermine him?? I am not sure, I probably do sometimes I guess but I am just not sure.
I sometimes wish I had someone from 'home' to turn to. My parents live close now but my Mum is so busy and has often been a 'good time mum' as in she doesn't have much time for my feelings.
I am sorry to ramble I am just needing to express how I feel somehow as I am really struggling.
The DR has prescribed me sertraline which I am taking and that seems to have helped me feel a little more able to cope.
I just feel like sometimes my relationship should be more happy and joyful than it is. I don't want to leave but I am also not sure how to continue as I feel I have tried to change for him and be a good wife so much and I am not sure what else I can do.