Please could anyone advise? New BF daughter dislikes me...

[lastnicknamefree]

Morning and thanks for reading.
I really don't know how to deal with this situation, would love some thoughts and advice.
Met this man 5 weeks ago so extremely early days, our dates have been going really well and I like him a lot. The feeling is mutual, it looked like it had potential to develop into a relationship.
Only his daughter who is 12 is making a lot of noise about the idea, she told him outright she doesn't want him to have a girlfriend, he needs to stop going on about me and has from the the impression he's given me taken an instant dislike to me. We have no plans to meet or introduce our children yet obviously, so it's not causing an issue except it's making me feel uncomfortable knowing this is to come possibly. He said if he had to choose between his kids and a relationship he would always pick them and have to stay single. Of course he would, my children come first too but I do feel like our dating and possibility of a relationship is being dictated to by a 12 years old. If she says she really isn't happy then I feel like that will be that.
On top of the negative vibe towards myself which I kind of understand and can deal with, after all I'm the adult she's still a child, the thing that's bothering me most is her saying she doesn't want any other siblings or kids around. I have a 4 year old son who has no father on the scene so we very much come as a package. I'm looking for a potential partner who will be interested and involved with him and if I'm honest, I feel very protective over my son as he's already been rejected by his father so I don't wish to put him in a situation where he isn't going to be loved and wanted. I know it's a silly thing to be worrying about when I've known this man, all of 5 minutes but I don't really want to invest emotionally any further or put more effort and time into building something with him if there is no chance we could take things further. I know what I'm looking for and just don't want to waste my time, but it's difficult as I do really like him. He has his kids every weekend too.
If you've got this far, many thanks Andrew if anyone has been in this situation or wants to throw any advice my way I'd be very grateful

Good to have everyone's views, it's not easy to see things objectively when you like someone. Am seeing him this evening, so I'll have a chat and tell him to reel it in/keep his gob shut and see what happens. Thank you

I feel really sorry for his DD. She has said she doesn't like you and doesn't want any other kids around. This sounds like a very anxious 12 year old who is panicking about her future. She shouldn't be having these concerns at 12 when her dad has been dating for FIVE WEEKS.

Yes he probably could have But he obviously didn't think it through very well

It's his job as her dad to think things through and not put her in this position.

Would you do this to your son? I suspect you wouldn't. Do you want your son to be around someone who doesn't think things through and says completely inappropriate things. It's not a stable environment to grow up in, as evidenced by his poor DD's reaction.

call me cynical but are you absolutely sure this isn't his way of giving himself room to make a fast exit at some point and is using his dd as some sort of excuse?

As others have already said, seems really weird to be discussing your 5 week "relationship" with a 12 yr old!

My first instinct was this isn't some daughter speaking but him! Potential siblings etc???? No, don't like the sound of this at all. Methinks he may not be quite as charming as he seems but hope I'm wrong. 🤔

Time will tell raffles I'll proceed with caution obviously

He's really not showing much emotional intelligence and needs to better understand where his DD is and her feelings.
To come back to you and say if DD isn't happy about it then it's a problem- after five weeks and when you've not even met?! Suggests he doesn't understand his role in anything. Just insensitive all round really.

He sounds extremely insensitive and really immature.

It's only been a few weeks.

This would concern me a lot as it doesn't really bode well for the future.

At five weeks you should be shagging and eating fancy overpriced dinners. Nothing more. Certainly not him telling you he might leave you because his daughter doesn't like it.

When did the 'not wanting other kids around' bit come in? Did he tell his DD you have a child? Why did he tell her all this unnecessary information?

Anyway this is just my personal opinion, but even if things progress, are you sure you would one day want a blended family considering how far apart in ages your ds is from his dd?

I think it would very difficult for both your children to adjust to having to be together. A 12 year old who is currently the centre of her father's attention, is unlikely to be impressed with a Step sibling, especially a 4 year old SB who cannot likely be at least a collaborative friend, and still requires special nurturing. If they were similar in ages, I would say carry on, but tell your BF to not to mention you further. But all things considered, along with him telling you so early that his DD will dictate the direction of the relationship, plus his verbose capacities - I think you should look elsewhere. I think if you tried to mesh your families, he would put his DD ahead of you and your DS, the latter of whom she is likely to resent.

I think you ought to date someone without children or with at least one child similar in age to your own.

Just my opinion, I hope it works out if that's what you want.

Err... He should not be speaking to you when having Daughter time. There should be no mention of you. AT all.
No wonder shes getting defensive. You're already interrupting her time with her dad by being on the phone with him during her time. She's going to feel you're coming in between them especially as it's only been 5 weeks!

I presume he has been a nonresident parent for 6 years? Its tricky - I met my partners kids (15 & 18) quite quickly - his idea & partly a reaction to previous gf who never wanted to meet them. 18yo was completely fine, 15 yo is more of a project. I'm careful to make sure they spend time together without me at weekends (the only times we can meet as long distance). I worry about it still as she is sometimes friendly & chatty and sometimes not so much... With younger kids I guess it has to be much more gradual but, as others have said, 5 weeks in just enjoy dating - its too soon to think far ahead.