Please talk to me

[Offred]

Previous threads

So basically he wormed his way back in it got worse, he continued to rage at me and one night would not let me leave his house while he raged at me.

A couple of weeks ago I just got completely overwhelmed after a shit day and cried and cried at him about everything he has put me through and the effect it has had on me and must have had on his best friend (who killed himself) and he walked out and I haven't heard from him since.

I have joined a DA women's group who assessed him as the second highest category of risk and who urged me to report to police under coercive control...

So this morning I did.

But when the police came I said I just wanted him to know to leave me alone (they offered to arrest) and didn't want him arrested so they went to warn him re harassment and they couldn't find him...

What do I do now? My anxiety is so bad. His voice is still in my head.

No, we don't live together

How can we help you?

Keep me in reality I think. Stop me listening to his voice instead of my own which is playing like a record on repeat in my head.

Can you try and hold onto the fact that he is not "normal" that you cannot rationalise his behaviour or what he says?

That repeating in your head is because you are trying to make sense of it, you can't because he lives in his own alternate universal where he can behave how he likes and accept no responsibility for the consequences of his actions...

Yes, that makes sense.

He often said 'the rules don't apply to me' in a joking way

I think it's happening because he felt that my feelings and thoughts needed to be policed by him. That if he didn't understand or agree with something I felt or thought it would make him angry and contemptuous and I would have to get his approval in order to be allowed to have feelings/thoughts.

You know that is really, I mean REALLY disturbing, you are not allowed thoughts or feelings and he doesn't have to abide by any social norms...

He possibly a sociopath, a dangerous one at that?

Find your inner strength "you are YOU, WONDERFUL YOU, with your own thoughts and feelings that are entirely valid. You deserve to be heard and loved and treasured.

Rationalise it. Out loud.
He wants control.
He cannot control you anymore.
By this very thread you are getting free.
Say it to yourself.
and for you

Offred, I completely understand that fear you are speaking off and the anxiety it brings. You will be ok, this will be ok. He has trapped you in your own head if this makes sense? Only you have the power now to stop it and him. He can only bully you if you let him. You have children to look after, you are a STRONG woman and mother. You have to believe you can do this, you WILL do this! You keep him blocked, keep your doors locked and your mobile nearby. You ring thr police if he comes anywhere near you. I haven't read your previous threads, but I do know the anxiety and fear you are feeling because of these rages. His intention is for you to think you are mad. You are not. Keep talking on here and keep bringing him back down to where he belongs. He does NOT control you, he does NOT manage you and he certainly DOES NOT fucking tell you what to feel or think.

Thanks everyone. I took my mirtazapine early to try and take the edge off the anxiety and I just conked out on the sofa!

That's awful. You will feel so much better getying him out of your life, but remember to be kind to yourself. He is an abuser and will try to control your. Stay strong and keep a detailed diary as this may be needed further down the line. Contact womens aid and take all the help that's available. Wishing you strength