Evening all.
I've posted a couple of times over the past few weeks regarding my separation after a 12 year marriage. 3 DC, no surviving family on my side, his are overseas as he is foreign. My decision to end the marriage after years of emotional and physical abuse. I have appointed a solicitor and will meet up with him next week to finalise details before the proceedings start.
Our circumstances are not ideal. We had/have a business in his name. I was a SAHM Mum for so many years. I never had open access to money without him knowing where it had been spent and so I never managed to build my own nest egg. Now we're separated I need to start building for the future of the DCs and I. His friend has since taken over running the business whilst STBXH has gone into business elsewhere. As I have no childcare provision, although not ideal, I asked his friend for a few days work so I had at least some form of income. It's less than a mile from school, the hours are ideal and it's a job I can do with my eyes closed. STBXH and said friend are living in the flat above.
DS had surgery this week which meant he has been off school. I was asked to work today and so DS came with me and there was no issue with him being upstairs whilst I worked as his father was there to take care of him.
At one point when I went to check on him, I had STBXH asking me what I was playing at making so much noise whilst I was working  apparently I was laughing too loud and my voice was disturbing him upstairs. I asked him what the problem was as I was well aware of my conduct and how I needed to behave. He said that as long as I was working in his shop then I would need to act as he saw fit. To avoid an argument in front of DS, I went downstairs and continued to work. At the end of the day, I didn't want to let his friend down.
A short while later he came downstairs and asked to speak to me in private. What started off with him telling me that we should put all personal problems to one side, ended with him telling me that he would appoint three barristers to represent him in court, that financially I would get nothing from him, and that one day the DCs would want to choose him over me anyway (because financially he will be in a better position, and of course, money buys love).
He stormed out, and on his way, said to the girl that also works there, who we have known for three years that she had better keep her distance from me because if she doesn't she will find herself out of a job. She was visibly upset by this and told me that it was only a matter of weeks ago when he went away for a few days and I worked with her, that he told her to try and get close to me to see if I would open up to her, for her to find out if I had someone else in my life and let him know.
What kind of fuckwit is he? He is not only still trying to control me, he is now also getting the staff involved and controlling her too. I am drained. Absolutely emotionally and mentally drained. I told him that any contact from now on would have to be through the solicitors alone.
I am scared. Scared for the future of the DC and I. He has dodged his income for years and told me he won't pay a penny maintenance wise because he has nothing to show. He wants joint custody, but has nowhere sufficient in which the DCs can stay with him as I don't want them staying in the house with another male who isn't even a relative. He has emotionally abused me for so many years that I don't even know what strength, if any, I have. I can't get to see my solicitor until next Friday.
I don't even know what I'm trying to get from this post. I just need to offload. For someone to tell me that I'm at fault or not. I have nobody I can talk to and it hurts. He's hurt me and I hate him for it