Help me make sense of this situation

[RandomMcRandomface]

Please be kind - I feel quite upset about this although probably was in the wrong.

I have a DH. Over the last while I have also become very close friends with a single man at work. We talk all the time, have supported him through some tough stuff and I considered him one of my closest friends. While I had wondered if I was straying into dangerous territory after reading a thread on here I felt that I wasn't because I tell dh all about our friendship and he's relaxed about it, and me and friend have no 'spark' -just a really good friendship.

But it all turned weird last night - we'd been out with a group and were walking in the same direction alone, I started talking about something DH had done that had bothered me (something I'd tell my close girlfriends) and friend got really agitated and we ended up having a really awful weird conversation about how he doesn't want to talk about dh, it's not appropriate, I can talk about anything but that. In the same conversation he said I'm one of his closest friends and he's shared things with me he's not told anyone, but was quite mean as well - my bus wasn't coming for 15 mins and he said 'don't use waiting for the bus as a way of me staying talking to you', rushed me along and left without saying goodbye which was totally out of character. I tried to explain how I don't see gender in friendship which made him cross, he said 'well I do'. I just feel so confused and feel like I've lost one of my closest friends - the conversation felt like a breakup and was like none I'd ever had.

Any advice? Dh laughed when I told him about it, such is his lack of feeling threatened. Did I stray into dangerous territory by accident? I don't know if this can be repaired.

I was told many years ago by a couple of men in a conversation about friendships between men and women that they, men, never think of women as just friends! When I said I thought I had been good close friends with several men but had no interest in them that way they both said that they guaranteed that the men involved didn't think the same. Don't know if it's true or not but by what you've said it seems fairly plain that he thinks of you as more than just a close friend and has indeed developed feelings for you. the kindest thing would be to distance yourself gently don't confide in him or talk about things that are too personal keep the friendly open chatting if he still wants to talk to you. You haven't done anything wrong by the sound of it just the different way men and women look at relationships of all sorts.

I have a close male friend. I absolutely will not listen to him trashing his wife. Or even anything nearly approaching that.

I supported him through a difficult time in his marriage but that was my line.

I'm extremely happily married. I have no feelings for my friend romantically.

If my DH moaned about me to a female friend it would feel like much more if a betrayal than if he moaned to a make friend. It may not be logical but there it is.

I can't imagine shouting at my friend or having such a strong reaction, it does seem extreme.

Given that clearly your friend clearly felt your behaviour was inappropriate and behaved very unpleasantly in response I would be cutting ties.

Thanks for the advice everyone - it saved my sanity!

He fancies you and it makes him jealous when you mention your DH. It's quite simple. There is no way he would have kicked off otherwise, you cant tell me his 'guy code' is that strong that he would be bothered about you gossiping about your DH to him! His extreme reaction speaks volumes.

Been there done that SO many times. I have lots of male friends but I'm not naive enough to think they want to spend time with me purely because of my sparkling repertoire. All of them have hinted to me (some not so subtlely) that they would like more than friendship but I've made it clear its that or nothing.

That's interesting hot but I still intuitively feel he doesn't have feelings for me, largely because of how open he's been in the past about his relationships and so on, as well as the effort he's made to get to know DH. Maybe am naive, I don't know. Maybe I just don't want it to be true because I want to stay friends, but I still feel he doesn't have feelings for me.

In terms of update my OP was 2 weeks ago now and we had a chat a few days later and agreed not to talk about it again. Since then we're still good friends and things seem normal and we chat often, but I'm much more careful about initiating contact and what I say, nor have we had any particularly deep conversations.

In unrelated news though I was talking to a bi girlfriend about it all and she said in a very matter of fact way that she fancies me. So, that has certainly made things awkward! Not for homophobic reasons or anything, it just came as a shock