Perhaps petty, but dhs snoring is making me so resentful

[SloanePeterson]

I'm typing this lying on the floor in a hotel room on what was meant to be a lovely night away. The fucking cold hard floor right by the door, as far away from the bed as I can get. And I'm down here because lying next to dh is like sleeping next to a foghorn. It's especially bad atm as he's been unwell with a cough and virus for months. He's seen about theee different doctors about that and none can help him. I'm a terribly light sleeper anyway but god this is getting tedious. And it's making me furious. I'm pretty much existing on no sleep. At home I've been taking myself downstairs as he'll roll over and ask if he's keeping me awake. If I say yes he'll just roll over and go back to sleep! I do feel bad as he's been poorly but I feel at the point now where this is torture. If it weren't so dark tbh I'd get dressed and catch the bloody train home so I could crawl into bed and get some rest.

[motherinferior]

And I don't want to wear earplugs. They hurt my ears.

[prettywhiteguitar]

It's incredibly selfish behaviour, my dh used to do it, after sleeping on the sofa for a while he made it to gp on his own steam.

[SloanePeterson]

He's at the doctors now, his appointment was an hour ago so either they're massively delayed (most likely) or they might actually be doing something. I'm just grateful to be home with my own bloody bed and a nice big sofa to banish him to. I still feel shaky and off through lack of sleep. And it's making me dread going away again. We've actually got a holiday booked for the first time ever in a few months, just taking the dc to a caravan but god, the thought of sharing a caravan!! With the weight, yes I do get frustrated that no efforts are being made. I know he can do it as we both lost weight for our wedding. Admittedly last year was just a constant shower of shit for our family and that took its toll, but enough now. His diet is appealing and as much as I try to improve it, he'll eat crap at work and when I'm in bed.
To whoever suggested I go to bed first, trust me, I do. And then get woken up by the snoring when he does come to bed. He can literally fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow whereas it takes me much much longer to even drop off. And then I lay there and seethe at the injustice of it all. It's a horrible cycle that we can't seem to break.

[BakeOffBiscuits]

Hope they are giving him a good going over and a good taking to about his diet!

[Joysmum]

One thing I forgot to mention on my last post was that the reason for my DH's snoring despite him having a 6 inch smaller waist to when we first got together was that in addition to the small airway, as we get older our muscle tone goes. So this is why it's a bigger issue now he's in his mid 49's and worse than that, it'll continue to get worse

[SloanePeterson]

Well god knows what actually happened in this appointment he saw the nurse practitioner who dismissed him a few months ago and she's prescribed him omeprazole. Which has obviously been flagged up on his record as he was briefly prescribed it three years ago for digestive issues. But that isn't his issue at all now! Apparently she looked in his ears, nose and throat and saw no issue. So this isn't going to be resolved any time soon. I'm going to have to get him to make another appointment and actually go with him as either he's not telling them the truth about what's happening or he's allowing them to sidetrack him. And no, still no mention about his weight or lifestyle. I could scream

[kaitlinktm]

I also sympathise with you OP - but have to admit (with shame) that I was the snorer. My XH used to get SO angry with me and wake me up.

I felt horribly guilty and used to take my quilt and go and sleep downstairs but that made him angry too. He wanted me to sleep in our bed and not snore - and, well, I just couldn't. I wasn't doing it on purpose and I couldn't just stop - it was like trying to stop breathing. He didn't want to wear earplugs because he had had some trouble with his ears and he thought they might start it all up again.

Yes I was (am) overweight and I am sure that was the reason - I did have a minor op on my septum, but that evidently wasn't the problem. I tried to lose weight but I didn't do very well.

We divorced anyway (not because of this, but in all honesty I can't rule it out as a contributory factor) and I still snore now - but as I don't share a room it isn't the problem it was.

I can't understand any snorer who won't try stuff to stop - but lots of people find losing weight difficult and it isn't a quick fix.

I do sympathise with you - but I can also feel for him too. I am sure he would stop if he could and if he is like me he probably feels terrible.

[ChipInTheSugar]

I'm the snorer too - have tried the ring, nose strips, mouth tabs, lozenges - nothing works. I'm refusing to spend a night with my DP, pass up on invites to go camping etc, or stay at other peoples' houses - it's awful. GP just try to diagnose sleep apnea, which it isn't.

I use SnoreLab to check how much I snore and how awful it sounds - I've attached a pic of a bad night

[Joysmum]

I went to the conduits today with my DH. He had to do a questionnaire and the consultant got us both to do it separately. It was shocking how my DH minimized everything. The gobsultant asked me to explained my answers and DH then agreed.

I've always had to go through the docs with my DH as he allows himself to be fobbed off and serious issues only diagnosed after I kicked off.

We shouldn't have to go babysit them but it's always been needed for varying reasons when there's an ongoing issue.

[Joysmum]

*i went to the consultant with my DH

[MoMandaS]

My DH snores too, much worse the bigger he is and if he has a cold (frequently suffers from sinus pronlems). It's awful if he's on his back but he does roll over when poked. I wear earplugs and still hear the children through them but they do minimise the snoring sound. Anyway, what I came to say is that it's been much better since I trained him to sleep with his chin lowered as far as possible, so the back of his neck is as 'long' as possible. Now when he's on his side and snoring I gently push the top of his head to check his chin is pushed down. He hated it at first but tough. Worth a try?

[SloanePeterson]

Chip, that app looks great I've downloaded it and will give it a try x I don't think positioning makes that big of a difference tbh. Dh is convinced he only snores if he's on his back but that's not the case at all, it's constant and if it isn't the horrid rasping snores it's ridiculously heavy and laboured breathing

[Roanoke]

Snoring is not something you should have to tolerate. And by that I mean you need to arrange separate sleeping quarters. There's no point telling him to - he'd have already done so if he cared. You need to arrange another bed.

When my DH started snoring I went and slept downstairs. I suggested the doctor, he said no, so I made a start on ordering a fold-out single bed for the lounge. After newborns and kids, I will NOT tolerate any impact on my sleep. It's non-negotiable.

He went to the doctor.

They diagnosed and sorted it, ish, but the way I see it is that my sleep is mine and I can only control my behaviour and actions, not others. So I must preserve my sleep at all costs.

You must to.

Arrange a permanent sleeping place elsewhere and get some rest. If there's more he can do to solve the problem, this may be the thing that makes him do it. If not, well, at least you get a good night's sleep.

[ItsNotUnusualToBe]

GET A SNOR-RING

Life changing! Acupressure ring from boots or amazon. Reduced my husbands horrific snoring by 90% (ish)

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

I've discoverwd a trick that seems to disturb DH enough to make him turn over and (briefly) stop snoring long enough for me to go to sleep. Instead of nudging him or asking him to turn over, I pull the duvet, just enough to give him a waft of cold air to wake him a bit, but not so as he'd know it's me waking him iyswim.
He has no idea I do this but it actually works in our house and shuts him up long enough for me to go back to sleep.
DH went to the gp a few years ago and was told the only possible solution was the soft palette operation but that doesn't always work, and anyway, it's too trivial a thing to go under ga for .

[ChipInTheSugar]

Roanoke what did the GP diagnose? I think if it's apnea, there are treatments, but snoring just gets dismissed (my experience anyway).

[Owlzes]

I'm the snorer in our relationship. I've tried everything - as someone above said - the ring, nose strips, mouth tabs, lozenges. I also tried losing weight, exercise. Everything. It's miserable, and people commenting on the snoring makes it worse, because there is just nothing that I know what to do. And in my experience a GP will do nothing unless it's proper sleep apnea. If it's just 'my partner tells me I sound disgusting' you won't get anywhere.

Thankfully, my DP is a heavy sleeper, but my ex was horrible about it and I wound up leaving him because of it.

Honestly, OP, if you can't cope with the snoring, please just arrange to have separate beds in separate rooms or something. Both of you becoming sleep dep'd and miserable won't help anyone.

[PoorYorick]

Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason. It's a crucial fundamental need, don't let your health worries make you feel guilty because you need sleep.

It's not very romantic but sleeping in separate beds does sound like the solution here.

[THC63]

Sleeping is not very romantic anyway. The other stuff you can do and then go back to your bed. Obviously only works if you have the rooms!

[annandale]

It's pretty difficult for most of us to find a completely separate sleeping area, though I guess in our case it would have to be a sofa bed downstairs - I hate sofa beds and like my own bed

I feel incredibly lucky that I'm a heavy sleeper - It was misery when ds was small because obviously I slept much more lightly then and i did honestly want to kill dh sometimes. These days I am much more tolerant and I snore too You can't go on like this at this stage of life.

Though tbh, don't have a fantasy life - don't book holidays that require you to sleep in the same space, because it's not going to work. Book separate holidays, stay at home with your own sofa bed, or save up for connected rooms or an apartment with an extra room. A little brutal realism is required.

[thenightsky]

Ex snored like a bastard. It was my fault apparently as I hadn't addressed my light sleeping issues!

I reached peak snore intolerance when I almost killed myself on a french motorway after 3 nights of pretty much no sleep and pulled out in front of lorry due to my poor addled brain being mushed.

I find after 2 or 3 nights of sharing a room with snorer, I get so sleep deprived I sleep walk. Me and ex ended after I sleep walked around to his side of the bed and attempted to strangle him (seriously). I woke with my hands around his throat, tight. That was scary.

[littlefrog3]

The snore chart up there ^ made me laugh (sorry I know it ain't funny...!)

Mild, loud, and EPIC It was the word epic that made me chuckle. And 'snore score.'

Seriously tho... does that ring really work??? The acupuncture ring is it?

As someone said earlier, sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, and it IS torture. We are fortunate to have a spare room, with a bed too, so we can sleep separately if need be, although hubby is OK usually..... (He used to be bad, but lost 3 stone and he is much better now.)

My utmost sympathy with anyone who has a snoring spouse, and nowhere else to sleep.

[Chinnygirl]

My dad has always snored. His GF made him lose weight and have an operation. He still snores, just less noisy. I vote for seperate bedrooms. Have a cuddle before bedtime and then go to your own peaceful room to sleep. Lot's of people do this (my parents did, we do).

[TizzyDongue]

Seriously tho... does that ring really work??? The acupuncture ring is it?

No it doesn't.