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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Affair

14 replies

Mumabear12345 · 02/03/2017 20:06

Hiya, my husband left 3 weeks ago and I have just found out that he is seeing another woman. Although our marriage is over in still feel very hurt at the thought that he could do this so soon. I'm very confused and feel numb. Please help. Thanks x

OP posts:
Angrybird123 · 03/03/2017 19:39

Hey...you might want to get this moved to relationships. .much more traffic there but for now sending ((hugs)) - am two years on and it was completely awful. Get as much RL support as you possibly can and legal advice x

Mumabear12345 · 03/03/2017 20:05

Awww thanks but don't know how to move it!. Did your husband start seeing someone straight away?x

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Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 00:53

Hey op,

My ex was with someone within 2 weeks, has cut me & his son out of his life to start a new one with her.

It will get easier xx

RedastheRose · 04/03/2017 01:03

There is always an OW I'm afraid and men seem to find it much easier to just walk away and replace one woman with another, it hurts like hell but you will get over it. If he could do it so quickly then he's not worth your tears.

Mumabear12345 · 04/03/2017 08:45

Thanks for your replies ladies. Last night I had his phone bill through and has been ringing a certain number on Many occasions at times when I was either up in bed or out. I feel disgusted that he was doing this while I was asleep upstairs. Why do men do this and how to install move on when I'm in so much pain and he is just happily living his life with ow?. I have been nothing but a loyal and supportive wife and although it is better to end the marriage I feel upset at the thought of him being with ow

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RedastheRose · 04/03/2017 15:51

You will feel upset, how could you not, but he doesn't because he has already checked out of your relationship and into another one. I hope you haven't got children together because it will be easier for you if not. Please remember from this point forward no matter what he says he no longer has your best interests at heart so get legal advice as to what you need to do and what the division of your assets should be, don't rely upon anything he tells you re finances, he has to prove what they are.

noego · 04/03/2017 16:13

She has done you a favour. Try and move on as quickly as possible.

Mumabear12345 · 04/03/2017 16:26

It just hurts because I have been noticing things he has done in the past but I didn't think anything of it. However I can now understand that they were all warning signs. I feel sick because I took my vows seriously and he could at least of waited till we seperated at least!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 04/03/2017 17:06

He didn't just meet her, she's been there while he was with you.

He didn't say anything so he didn't look like the cheater that he is.

I'm not sure if you have DC, but I'd only communicate on child related matters and maintain a civil but curt persona around him.

There's nothing better than showing a WS who left, that your life doesn't depend on them, and you'll go on to be just fine.

Mumabear12345 · 04/03/2017 17:26

Thanks for all your replies, they are helping me to make a bit of sense of this vile situation x

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gluteustothemaximus · 04/03/2017 17:34

Oh OP, I understand. Another woman moved in within 2 weeks of me leaving. It took a while before I realised he'd been seeing her for a while, it hadn't just 'happened'.

Then you look back and go, oh shit, he probably did it then, and then and what about then? It hurts. But it will get better. Then you'll wonder what you saw in him, and begin to feel sorry for his latest victim!

Be strong, move on, a little wiser, a little more protective of your heart, but don't let him win. He was never worth you x

Mumabear12345 · 04/03/2017 17:46

What's wrong with these men!is he still with the ow? I'm wandering if my husbands ow knows that he is married? Do they ever realise that they have made a mistake?and is 5 he grass always greener!?x

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THC63 · 04/03/2017 17:56

Some will come back once the new relationship ends or morphs into the one he already had. Some won't.

Personally I wouldn't be waiting. Once they have done this, if you give them the green light then it's a life of misery for you.

Mumabear12345 · 04/03/2017 18:06

Thanks thc. I wouldn't have him back but just want him to be in a bit of pain like I am and if things didn't work out with ow then I just want the opportunity to tell him I won't have him back. I know that sounds petty but it would feel good! X

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